THOU SHALT

The 10 Commandments of Bikram Yoga:

1. Thou shalt lock thy knee.

2. Thou shalt stay in the room. The class is 90 minutes. Even if thou dost sit out many postures, thou shalt not leave the torture chamber.

3. Thou shalt not sport underwear as solo yoga gear. Nobody wants to see your whatnot hangin’ out. Bras and boxer briefs do not reasonable public yoga clothes make. (read more)

A LITTLE LOVE LETTER TO THE CLASS DOUCHEBAG

[Warning: post does some cursing and utilizes unladylike language.]

Dear Arrogant Asshole on the blue mat,

When I say that you were my first, I’m not being coy. Truly sweetie, you’re the first utter douchebag I’ve ever had in yoga class. I’ve been doing this yoga thing for years, yet I’ve never experienced someone quite like you.

Admittedly, Bikram is the kind of yoga that is most likely to attract asshats like you, but even after these many months, it seems that you still don’t get how our hot yoga works. Bikram’s not like other yoga; it even gets criticized for not being like other yoga. But we Bikram yogis like it the way it is.

And here’s how it is: You move as a group.

For real . . . (read more)

WEAR COOL CLOTHES & DON'T BE AN ASS: A BRIEF YOGA MANIFESTO

Have more than one reason to come to the mat. A single motivation is not enough. And some days it’s okay if a new yoga top is the thing that gets you to practice.

Respect your mat. But only so much. The mat wasn’t a hallowed space before it was yours. And though it may be sacred, the mat doesn’t have a monopoly on yoga.

Take what you need. It’s perfectly all right to build a smorgasbord practice, drawing from various yoga disciplines and philosophies.

Fall. It’s cool to fall out of poses and then laugh your ass off. Taking a practice too seriously is a breeding ground for inauthenticity. In yoga, seriousness has its place and time. And that time is not all the time.

Don’t give in to yoga snobbery . . . (read more)

RUBBER FOR EVERYONE: MAT RATS OF ALL KINDS

It’s only January and I’ve got Wanderlust on the brain. The Squaw Valley event isn’t for six moths, but I’m already hyped for the food, music, teachers, weather, and for the people. By which I mean the fellow attendees—

With so many different yogis at the festival, the people are fun to watch.

Every yoga festival’s got its earth mothers. Food-wise, if it ain’t raw, they ain’t eatin’ it. These gals aren’t wearing a single article of clothing that’s outside the brown-green-brown color spectrum. Their jewelry—and there’s no shortage of it—is all polished rocks. Red jasper to temper emotions. Turquoise to amp up creativity. Green agate to keep them centered. And the ever-important moonstone to hone their innate intuition. Their anklets jingle when they step back into downward-facing dog. Often seen rooting through trashcans for that plastic water bottle some barbarian didn’t put in the recycle bin, they are at the festival to connect. To find stability in The Earth . . . (read more)

THE EFFED-UP ARC OF A BIKRAM YOGA INNER DIALOGUE

The Bikram yoga teacher walks into the yoga room, putting on his head mic, and happily—too happily?—says: Are we ready to get hot?
The student stands, brings her toes and ankles together, and thinks: Yes, I’m ready! Let’s do this.

Minutes into class the Bikram teacher says: Just keep breathing.
Already soaked with sweat, the student thinks: Easier said than done, dude.

The Bikram teacher says: Lock your knee!
The student watches her quivering quads in the mirror and thinks: I am!

When propelling the class into a standing backbend,the Bikram teacher says: Your back will hurt like hell. Don’t be scared.
The student thinks: Uh, that’s counterintuitive.

The Bikram teacher says: Lock your knee!
The student again notes those quivering quads and thinks: I am, dammit! . . . (read more on elephant journal.)

elephant journal: THIS WEEK'S POST

Hi ho! Fun news here. So, as I've been going on about for the last few months, every now and again I've had the privilege of contributing some to elephant journal.

Wait? What? Oh, you still don't' know what elephant journal is?

Gosh. Sorry. Should have explained that before.

ej is a site of enlightenment. (And they're letting me contribute? Come to think of it, that enlightenment thing might be questionable.) But really, they write that their mission is " . . . to [bring] together those working (and playing) to create enlightened society"—those interested in mindful living, if you will.

And yoga's on their list of enlightening things. And yoga's my thing! So I've contributed a few pieces to their large collection of yoga articles. It's gone well enough that they've granted me columnist status, which essentially means that I've committed to post once weekly under my own name and get more involved in their online community.

Here's what's especially great about this: I can never seem to shut up about yoga. And that means I write about it quite a bit too. (I felt rather bad for my advisor last semester; she got packet after packet that included piece after piece on yoga.) And now I've got somewhere to put all that yoga writing. It can begin its exodus from my hard drive to The World. My computer feels thinner already.

See here for my first piece under my own name. (And, if you like it and like me as well, do share it, please. Getting traffic to individual posts is sort of a thing and I could use your help.)

•••

Ah! And as an electrifying bonus, the talented Ashley Thalman will be the source of all the photography in my elephant journal posts. So when you hit up the link you'll be treated to the kind of visual stimulation only she can deliver.

SATANILIAC ON ELEPHANT JOURNAL

I've talked a bit about my god-given flexibility. I've talked about it being quite awesome. I may have also mentioned that it's very not-awesome at times. I say more on that here on elephant journal.

TODAY I'M TOP TEN

Every week elephant journal posts their Top Ten Yoga Blogs of the Week. Hooray and huzzah—my bit on picking your type of yoga made the top ten!

It's nice to fall in love and find that you're loved back.

elephant journal: PICK A PRACTICE

I've got me another slice on elephant journal. I snatched a post from here, gussied it up, and offered it to the yoga world. I'd like to thank them for taking it.

Whereas my first post on elephant journal was geared toward the Bikram yogi, this one's built for everyone!

What's Your Type? Pick a Practice.

DOORGASM

Go read my first article for elephant journal! Little Megan's spreading her yoga wings. This article's called Doorgasm.

It's a little funny, if I do say so myself.

WHAT'S YOUR TYPE: PICK A PRACTICE

It’s out there, you know—the yoga style for you. But where, right? How can you find it if you’re new to the game? Well, you could audition studio after studio, searching out the mat time that gives you the kind of boost you’re looking for. Yes, you could do that. But it’s going to be time consuming and expensive and just might turn you off from yoga altogether. We don’t want that. So do this instead—dig through your insides and identify you’re particular wants and needs and then match ‘em with the styles described below. This is me doing the work for you. You’re welcome.

Are you ready for joy? Are you eager to harness the moonlight that’s shining out your ass to change the world for good? Yes? Well then, with a deepening of love, go find yourself an Anusara studio. The Anusara devotees are The Happy People. They hold hands when they chant. They can conjure a rainbow to leap from their hearts and uplift those around them. If you can’t see yourself turning your chest skyward while you beg for Ganesh’s blessings or grasping your neighbor’s foot to hoist it higher, stay away from Anusara—it’ll scare the hell out of you.

Or maybe you’re the lazy type? . . . (read more on elephant journal)