ORGANICA

I can’t abide people who throw in your face their perfect, organic, vegetarian eating habits.

There are those out there who, when asked what they are planning to make for dinner, respond with something like, Organic hummus, whole wheat pita pockets, organic olives, cold-pressed extra virgin olive oil . . . perhaps a cold quinoa salad with organic cucumbers and my homemade vinaigrette . . . and for dessert? Freshly whipped cream from the milk of antibiotic-free cows and a pound cake made with free-range eggs. Oh, and the strawberries for desert are from my organic container garden in the back yard.

If the speaker was new to healthy eating, I would appreciate that response and respond myself with, Good for you! But when the people who list the I’m-better-than-everyone-else adjective-laden foods they will be serving their chicken-nugget-deprived children, I wish for the guts to respond with, Nice. I was thinking about a Big Mac and a shake; I just can’t seem to decide if I want chocolate or strawberry. After I slam that down, I'm going to Cinnabon. Just to be contrary.

They couldn't have just said, Some Greek food, like pitas, olives and hummus. A quinoa salad. And maybe some strawberry dessert?

Please don't misunderstand, I’m passionate about what I eat. I want to enjoy my food. And I think it's a nice bonus if I feel good about the food I’m enjoying. Generally, my diet is pretty stringent (generally meaning M-F). On the weekends, I prefer chocolate, jelly beans, candy corns, birthday cake, and lemon bars to the carrots and green stuff I munch on during the work week. So I eat pretty healthy. Sometimes.

And I’ve mentioned before that I don’t eat meat. Who knows how long it will last? These days, I don’t munch on Bessie, Porkie, Little Red, Mary’s little Lamb, or Nemo’s friends and their relatives. You do? Rock on. You like a juicy steak? Terrific! Let those meat juices run down your chin as you masticate the animal. I don’t care.

Since being green and buying organic and basically moving back to the farm has become a thing, people take such pride in their good eating habits that we hear about it too often. Everyone seems to be in search for loudest organicasm—more moan-inducing than that of their neighbors. It's a new way for folks to heighten their Holier-than-Thou hats.

What did you have for dessert last night? Organic peaches with a homemake sugar syrup and whole wheat shortcake. Yeah? I’ll just bet after you ate that mountain of bland crap and your inflicted-with-all-things-organic children were nestled under their fair trade, hypoallergenic comforters you sneaked into your closet for your chocolate and beef jerky stash.

You probably had some Doritos too.