Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Note: this post was put up and then, due controversy and offense, removed and saved as a Draft. (See here for the notification of removal.) However, I've reposted it (on 9.13.09) as a part of my archives. That way it will still exist yet get less drama. I reposted it because, although controversial, this post is actually how I feel. I'm happy with my choices. I'm glad for this part of my life. Right now, I don't like kids and I'm not ashamed of it. Have children someday? Maybe. Maybe not. Either way I'm not basing my happiness on contingencies. I like life as it. I like it a lot. And I think that's admirable.


Children. Everyone has 'em.

And when, in my dedication to learning and research, I earnestly inquire after the benefits of having them when there seem to be so many cons, I always get the same answer, Oh, it's all worth it when your kids wake up in the morning and all they want is to give you a hug and tell you that they love you.

All that sacrifice for fleeting moments when they're teeny and then pure hatred and conviction that you're completely stupid when they turn, say, 13? No entiendo.

I have a book called Baby Not on Board: a Celebration of Life without Kids. If you don't have kids it's really, really funny (and spot on). However, if you do have kids you might think of it as The Satan Book, as my sweet cousin Lins called it. However, whatever life you have, I say you oughta celebrate it, with kids or without, whether it's what you planned for or not; take what you've got and like it or change it.

So since my mister and I celebrate what we've got and have no looming desire to change it, The Romo Collective has a running list of reasons why it's marvelous being childless.

A few choice bits:
• Sleeping until Whenever on the weekends
• Leaving the house Right Now
• A spontaneous late flick without the need for a sitter
• Loud sex without having to wait for the right time
• Random weekends away
• Time-consuming hobbies--lots and lots of them
• No coordination to get to yoga on time
• The quiet of adult-appropriate/child-inappropriate restaurants
• No concerns that a small child will trip and kill the small dog
• Never, ever being woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of crying
• Never feeling morally obligated to cook dinner
• Tons of just-me-and-my-mister time (it's why I married him)
• A high-maintenance hairdo
• Knowledge that when you're late, it's a choice not a result
• Enjoying any ride you want at an amusement part without concern for too-short companions
• A house that stays clean after the maid leaves
• A house that necessitates a maid only twice a month
• A house with breakable decor wherever you want to put it
• A house that never smells like diapers
• Not developing an immunity to the smell of diapers so you have no clue the house reeks
• Avoiding the ear drum-smacking horror of pediatricians' offices
• Extra liquid funds for playing and saving
• No uncomfortable conversations about masturbation
• No whining
• No frequent sheet changes thanks to a wet bed
• Avoiding that conversation about How Babies Are Made (my mom drew pictures for that one; I only remember the fallopian tubes)
• Luxurious naps--often
• Sex with the bedroom door open, or in the kitchen, or wherever
• Silence
So many [personal] reasons considered, such a small memory to capture them all.

(Go on, give in to your desire to refute the value of the above. Or tell me I'm wicked and selfish and going to Hell; too bad you won't be the first to have said so.)

Am I saying that I think other folks are idiots for having kids? Nope. Please: do what you love. It's just awfully clear that we'd be pretty dumb if we did.


(Lins, I feel I must assure you this has nothing to do with the conversation we had a few weeks ago. The post was already scheduled back then.)


Unknown said...

I want to comment on this. But I can't think of anything to say.

Well, I can think of things to say. But I'm sure you have heard all of them. From "I'm with you on this (at least for now)" to "Never? no kids ever?"

But I guess you didn't say the "never" part. Just the "not now" part.

Just Sue said...

Dang, I think you must really want the provacative blogger award. You have left people wordless, so far. I love you Megan! You know where I stand on this...

Erin Bigler said...

No, not selfish. I think you're quite right. I myself once believed I'd never be a mother. (By choice, not for mechanical reasons obviously). And now I have three. Just changed my mind. After all, it's my prerogative. I think you're spot on about the masturbation thing too. I've got a three yr old who will NOT take his hands out of his pants. I've decided that to keep the peace though, I'm going to turn a blind eye for the time being. Eventually I'll have to put my foot down and insist he "get a room."

Sue said...

It amazes me that someone as smart as you, who loves family as much as you do, and who knows the truth - or at least I thought you knew it - would be so dumb, cold, selfish, and short-sighted.

Great, have your loud sex all over the place, go and do what YOU want all the time, live your empty life; forget the spirits waiting to come to your home and our family. Forget that every time you post something like this you stab me in the heart. Why always apologize to Lins? I had six of you and being a mother is the joy of my life and what life is all about. I thought you knew that about me.

I guess in all I feel very sorry for you because when you're older and the yoga, sex, trips, projects, dog, fluff of your life now isn't all that exciting, you won't have what really matters. I grieve for how lonely you will be.

Bottom line, this is your blog and if I don't like what's in it, then I shouldn't read it. So I've decided I won't - I've cried enough over the things you've written on this subject.

You enjoy controversy? Well here it is.

rabidrunner said...

So does your job keep you away from doctors of pediatrics? If not, you better scratch that one off your list! You get to do that now (maybe more than I do).

I believe that most people have gone into child-rearing blindly. You are well-informed and that's good.

I will say, however, that there's no specific time that it's worth it. I had a very difficult time adjusting to a little person always demanding my time, yelling at me, etc. I gave up lotsa cash to stay home and not be appreciated.

I don't wake up in the morning with a hug from a child and proclaim at that moment that it's all worth it. I don't stop ever and say, at this moment, it's all worth it.

But it is. It is very worth it.

It's a chance to show yourself what you're made of.

And with that, I'll go right on over and vote for you!

Kristen said...

As a mother of 4, do I dare comment on this?

I think your mom is right. And I think she's mad at you right now.

Parenting definitely takes a selfless person and a person who is willing to put a bundle of drooling goodness ahead of themselves. If you're not at the point in your life where you can give up most of the things on your list, then DON'T have kids (yet). Some people have long lists like yours, go ahead and have kids, and then it ain't pretty. The parents are resentful, the kids are neglected, and it's not a happy picture of what a family should be.

I'm wondering if this controversial post is a precursor to a post that you actually ARE pregnant!? Wouldn't that be something?!