Tuesday, February 3, 2009

RHYMES WITH VEX

I don’t know about you, but as for me an my Significant Other, scheduling sex never works.

There’s absolutely no denying it—such intimacy is essential for a happy marriage. Just think of what kind of a beast your other half becomes when sexually frustrated . . .

Nightmarish.

The ever-bitchy but has-a-good-point-now-and-then Dr. Laura Schlessinger preaches that as a wife, you must schedule, so to speak, time each day for intimacy—the physical kind—with your spouse. I buy it. But it doesn’t work.

Over the last six years The Husband and I have learned that saying something like, “We should have sex later today” or “Let’s do it later” pretty much jinxes the whole idea. Say it out loud and it ain’t gonna happen.

Someone gets tied up with work. Or is dog tired. Or gets preoccupied with Photoshop. (Who? Me? Naw.) Despite how much he or she (him or me) might think the sex is a grand idea.

So if a Reno Romo wants to initiate such activities, we have to make a mental note and kick the cogs into gear without verbal suggestion. At the time of initiation, a verbal suggestion can be, well, suggestive and effective, but if we’re trying to synchronize our watches for marital bonding a little later: forgedda boutit.

11 comments:

rookie cookie said...

What!? No one has commented about this? I guess no one does it these days. Too bad. It's loads of fun.

Scheduled sex becomes more essential when you have kids.

"Hurry! Let's do it before Van gets up for his next feeding!"

Keli'i and Megan said...

Oh my goodness, I don't know what I like more, this post or rookie's comment! Ha! Yes, scheduled sex=ain't gonna happen. It's a jinx. But, I completely agree with Rookie...gotta hurry before the kids wake up! Ahhhh, that is SOOOO romantic!

meg said...

Let's go with the brilliance of Rookie's comment.

I can't believe I am related to that kind of genius.

rabidrunner said...

I saw a decorative type throw-pillow in a gift shop that had "Tonight" on one side and "Not Tonight" on the other. The idea is that when you make the bed, you're scheduling and/or making yourself available by whichever side you expose.

However... you put the "tonight" side up in the morning and the Spouse will be home at noon. And it's only a matter of time before the kids figure it out and scream "gross".

I know people who have an "Every Sunday Morning" rule. (That's just plain boring.) Fast Sunday is the exception... everyone knows there's no sex on Fast Sunday (grin).

Mal Robin said...

This is too much for me. One sister is talking about when they "do it." And another is basically telling me they are doing it right down the hall from me at various times of the day. I would like to go on oblivious if you dont mind.

Shelby Lou said...

rookie is funny, and so are you... maybe it runs in the family.

Holly said...

Scheduling sex works just fine if you put it on your Blackberry and set it for vibrate!

meg said...

Three cheers for Holly.

I'm laughing a little to hard and typing is tough.

You are amazing, my friend.

cat+tadd said...

Oh my word, I think I just peed a little!

Morgan said...

wow.
how is this safer than poopin' on the potty?
just curious.
i agree. the world of intimacy ch-ch changes when you have kids. complicates... or adds to the secretiveness that can be fun...

Jenny said...

I love to rhyme. One day I was saying to my husband that I wished his name rhymed with something I liked to say. Like, "What's the plan, Stan?" Or something inane like that. Then I realized what his name "Rex" rhymed with and I thought I had it pretty good.