Monday, February 2, 2009

STICK IT TO 'EM

Hi Sarah! I’m a friend of your mom’s. She’s getting Brett from school and asked me to pick you up today.

Hi Rocco! I work with your dad. He had to take Rosie to the vet and sent me bring you home from school.

Don’t take candy from strangers. Don’t even talk to them. Run the other direction hollering, "This man is not my daddy!" Sometimes you just gotta yell and scream. (Cheers, Safety Kids.)

But when they know your name and your sibling’s name and the name of your dog, are they a stranger?

With the aid of my infinite brilliance, I have come up with a solution to help prevent situations wherein strangers call your children by name in order to whisk them away and trigger an Amber Alert: stop posting their names on your car's rear-view window beneath a prosaic stick figure of said little boy or girl.

I don’t even think a family password can mitigate the potential dangers of broadcasting your children’s names on your gas guzzler. When a nice-looking stranger approaches your kindergartner, "Oliver," with genial familiarity and calls him by name, saying that that he knows you, “Cami,” and your husband, “Justin,” what’s the child to do?

Some people use pseudonyms for their children on their blogs. Perfectly reasonable. But I’ll tell you what, if those same people are cruising around town in a car decorated with the names of their online-protected little ones, I’m seriously disappointed. Way to negate the positive effects of substituting "Sweet Pea" for little "Annabell" on your blog

Save your kids from the potential threat of friendly, familiar kidnappers by ripping the trite family sticker off the back of your car. And then take yourself out for frozen custard as a reward for taking one small step in keeping your family safe. Or if you’re not the kind to reward yourself with food, spend an unreasonable chunk of recession flow on that necklace at Nordstrom you're quite sure you’d look dazzling in. You deserve it.

•••

Post post: Rookie had herself a birthday yesterday. (And yes, she really did make her own cake.) Click on that link and go wish her a happy belated one, please.

9 comments:

Brandon and Julie said...

So informative. I would have to agree. Thanks.

Jaime Stephens said...

hahah One would think this is my next step after my purchase.... j/k I would never.

rookie cookie said...

You are so offensive. You told me you liked the stick figure stickers on my car. I hate you now.

melinda! said...

But how am I supposed to "mom my ride"?

Keli'i and Megan said...

Don't have anything on my car, BUT, my blog says it all. Anyway, guess who's starring in that concert Rookie is going to tonight? Yes, my cousin, Mindy! And you went to High School with here, huh? Such a small, small world. Disney had it right.

bird on the lawn said...

the mysterious bird says, "see email".

Sarie said...

I DEFINITELY AGREE.

The Fear Fam said...

Hallelujah! My husband has had the pleasure of hearing my rants re: the stick figure family stickers on more than one occassion. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.

cat+tadd said...

I disagree. I say go one step further and list your kids SSN's on there as well.