I’m woozy with affection for this boyfriend guy I’ve got. Positively smitten. And even though it can be obnoxious, I’m letting myself indulge in being twitterpated. If you have the privilege of being enamored with someone, do yourself a favor and revel in it. Roll around in just how gaga you are for each other. Because, Dear Reader, even if it looks dorky, it still feels fantastic.
Everything Jim does, I find adorable. I mean, everything. All he has to do to make me want to devour him is fall asleep in front of the Golf Channel. He orders a ham and cheese sandwich and it’s hard not to find a megaphone and let loose a twenty-minute monologue on how cute he is. The man pushes his glasses up his nose, and I swoon.
When I was in the throes of the divorce stuff, I had no ability to discuss anything without weight. Dead weight. Benignly, you’d say, “Hey it’s overcast today.” Dark-eyed and in a mistunderstood-Emo monotone, I’d reply, “Like my spirit. Shrouded in darkness. Because my husband had an affair, and I can’t get him to be done with her. No one will ever love me again. No one ever loved me to begin with.” Now, it’s the reverse. Benignly, you say, “Hey, it’s overcast today.” And I singsong back, “I don’t think so. In fact it looks like there is sunshine coming out of the asphalt over there. Love is in the air! I can smell it! It smells like chocolate infused with grass clippings and joy! I have a boyfriend, and he’s effing adorable.”
Although I didn’t know it was up for the taking, this sir stole my heart. And not only do I not mind the theft, I’m grateful! I’m so bewitched by this man, that I’m not just annoying the public at large, I’m also annoying myself.
And even that’s magically delicious. How awesome is it to be annoying with glee? That’s never been me before. With Jim, I find that I’m enjoying stuff that I previously did not. I’ve never been touchy-feely, but if I’m in the same room with this man and don’t have some form of physical contact with him, no matter how minor, I see it as a missed opportunity in need of immediate rectification. I can’t sit across from him at a restaurant; I must sit next to him. I have never before appreciated the advantages of a bench seat, but in his truck? Hallelujah! that middle thing folds up, and I can scoot my rump just that much closer. I simply cannot get enough of him.
Don’t get me wrong—every relationship presents its own challenges, and ours isn’t an exception, especially given how we came to be dating in the first place. But thanks to the shitty circumstances that led us here, I know exactly what my boyfriend is made of. Truly stellar material. So thanks to my dizzying infatuation and his kickass character, our challenges won't win. I see things that could serve as barriers as just another opportunity to intertwine with an incredible man. Teamed up, we’ll figure stuff out.
When we go back to work after lunch dates, I tell Jim, “I miss you already.” It’s pathetic. But it’s true. And I’m fine with it. I’ve finally got good vibes shaking my veins, and I’m embracing the ridiculousness of it all. After the hell of last year, I’m determined to enjoy every tiny bit of what feels great. Unabashedly, I intend to lick that plate clean.