Monday, February 18, 2013


I have finally figured out which holiday is my favorite. It’s Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is for lovers, but, more importantly, Valentine’s Day is for the Westminster dog show. I look forward to that more than I could ever look forward to any silly little holiday. I think I need to get someone to watch me watching the dog show. I bet it’s adorable. I do know it’s audible. I coo and ooh at all the pups. “Lookit that lil’ face!” “Awww, puppy!” I get a buzz of out recognizing breeds. And I eat the commentary right up. I especially love learning about breed standards and characteristics. As I write this, my Yorkie is snoring next to me. The announcer said that Yorkshire Terriers are self-important. My Soph may not be a show dog, but if that’s a standard characteristic of the breed she’s excellent example of a well-bred Yorkie. It’s impressive how she’s able to employ her self-importance to make her 6.5 pound body take up nearly half of a king-sized bed.

• About vulnerability—it blows. But I’m learning that it just might be necessary if you want the rewards of deep relationships. “You scratch my back. I’ll scratch yours” is much easier to say than do. I’ll happily to do the scratching, hell, I'll scratch your back until it bleeds, but let someone return the favor? Huh, what’s that now? Can we go back to the part where I’m doing the scratching? Much easier.

• Some vicious people rub salt into other folks' wounds. Me? I rub salt into my own wounds. As usual, I cut myself shaving in the shower the other day. And what did I do right after? Oh, a sea salt scrub. Who knew showering could be so violent? First glass shards in the shower, now oblivious self-inflicted torture. Good grief, what’s next? Autoerotic waterboarding?

• So guess what the new me does for fun on a Friday night? Dinner with friends? A hot night club? Maybe just a nice soak in the tub? Don’t be silly. I roast cauliflower and Brussel sprouts for next week’s tasty and quick meals. I re-watch episodes of Iron Chef: America. I kick my dog’s toy across the room. And then I put a prescription tranquilizer on the tip of my tongue and moan with anticipatory satisfaction as I wash it down with a swig of Diet Dr. Pepper.

• Take note: if something matters, I will absolutely forget it. If something doesn’t matter, my memory will cling to it like lettuce in your teeth. An example: your favorite movie when you were in high school: Can't Hardly Wait. No problem. I’ve got that down. Helping with the typography on my mom’s book cover. Huh? I was supposed to do that? Dammit. Pull it together, Romo! (Hey, how long to do I get to blame my standard ineptitude on my divorce? Is there a statute of limitations on this thing?)


Renae said...

So happy you are back; wish it was under better circumstances but I so missed your updates and writing! Here's to better days ahead.

Megan said...

Renae, thank you! I'm happy to be "back" as well. Yeah, the divorce thing was/is a bummer, but here's God's honest truth: I'm crazy happy right now. I'll look forward to telling you more about that as time goes on. As it turns out, better days are already here. Thank you ever so much for your wishes in that direction!

tom lindsey said...

Trinitite would be a prefect addition to your collection.

Megan said...

Okay Tom, why do you know about Trinitite? 'Cause that's random, right? I am grateful that I got to learn something new, but I can't help but wonder why Trinitite's even part of Tom's Lexicon.

tom lindsey said...

No, it is not random-- just a comment on the wrong post (should have been House A Home). Given the circumstances I thought a piece of melted sand from a nuclear explosion would really capture the essence of the moment and make a fine addition to your (green glass) collection.

As for my my involvement with Trinitite ... what is the statute of limitations for criminal trespass? LOL