Wednesday, February 6, 2013

BITS. PIECES.

 I'm considering being embarrassed about how I truly can't get enough of food TV. It's sort of crazy how much this little vegetarian knows about getting a good sear on on a steak and what makes a moist meatloaf. Please rest assured that I'm productive—mostly—while my food shows play. Geez, it's not like I'm just sitting on my rump watching food. In fact, it might happen that I'm sometimes sitting on my rump watching food and eating it. 

• I'm besotted with my yoga community. I practice Bikram yoga with some kickass people. People like Marilynne, Dave, Dona, Jesse, Kim, Dante, and Cyndie. When class is absurdly hot and the humidity's hostile, I can find their faces in the mirror, grimace, and they know exactly what I'm "talking" about. These people are my tribe, and they're a helluva bonus for showing up to class.

My fingernails and toenails are disgraceful. For as long as I can remember I've bit and picked my fingernails. (Good news though, Jim—since you inquired after my icky nails, I haven't bit 'em! I've only picked at my cuticles. So that's one for the good guys.) I paint my toenails so that I can pick off the polish. Where I'm winning: I don't bite my toenails. Though I could, internet friends, I certainly could.

• Ever look at your life and think, "Dammit! I'm not doing enough. I'm lazy. I'm a loser!" And then do you think, "Uh, I just finished grad school and got a divorce thrown at me a few months ago; how about I give myself an effing break already?" Yeah, me too.

• That last phrasing was alarming, right? A divorce thrown at her!? Does that mean she didn't want it? Nope, she didn't. But now? Honestly, people, I'm happy to be divorced. Like so many before me, I never thought I'd be able to say that and mean it, but I just did and I do. Yeah, my heart got ground into something like sausage, and I cried myself to dehydration day after day. My mom made the nine-hours-one-way drive four times in four months, my sissies rearranged schedules to come be with me, and my friends did things like listen to hours of wailing and mail me a package of six boxes of tissues and six tubes waterproof mascara. I lost footing in my yoga practice and stopped answering emails. I learned that one of the saddest things in the world is begging someone to love you. I sort of can't believe I was able to graduate. But I spent the last six months of 2012 learning a lot about choice. At the start of the end I decided that I'd be better on the other side. No matter my marital status. See it's my choice, and I choose to win. 

3 comments:

rabidrunner said...

Exclamation point. I love it when you write stuff.

Winder said...

Agree with rabid.

Mrs. Pingel said...

Hooray! You're back! I love it!