Thursday, October 27, 2011

ODE ON FASHION TAPE • A LOVE LETTER

I originally posted this on my skirt! blog and the administrator took it down. I'm assuming because they saw it as a product endorsement and not as the ode of love that I intended. Punks.

•••

Oh Hollywood Fashion Tape, you wonderful stuff
I’ve tried other brands, but they’re not up to snuff
You’re sleek tin container is easy to tote
And it’s water resistant (though I’m not sure if it floats)

I’m not at all busty so shirts tend to gap
And it’s you that’ll save me from booby mishaps
(Though there’s not much to see there since I’m so small
It would still be way sucky to err and show all)

The front of a shirt isn’t the only gape spot
You’ve also taped sleeves to avoid a boob shot
And if I get a bit sweaty, other brands will unglue
But you’d never do that, not ever, not you

Sure you leave welts when torn from my chest
But any wincing is worth it; you’re simply the best
I spread your good news, telling all get some
And when women don’t listen, I think that they’re dumb.

Twas my mom’s biggest prob, how things looked on me
Shirts were so low, so more could be seen
If you’d been around then, there’d have been less stuff
On which we'd butt heads—I’d have gotten less guff


So you’re the thing without which I just won’t leave home
For some women it’s lipgloss, for others a phone
But for me it’s all you, you’re stuck on every day
Thanks for giving me freedom in every which way.

2 comments:

rabidrunner said...

Holy, holy. Where has that stuff been all my life. You're such a good little spreader of tips 'n tricks.

And punks is right.

Sparks said...

I'm a bad friend. Usually I gift this stuff to people. I am sorry that you were neglected. It is the best stuff, like, ever.