TWITS AND SHOUT

• Yes, I just walked down a public stairway talking to myself. And I was caught.

• Things I don't ever see myself eating: roasted eggplant and goat yogurt dip, bacon jam, and polenta with crispy chorizo. Si, they are all real things I found on food blogs.

• I’ve heard it say that makeup’s purpose is to make you look how you feel. For me, it makes me look how I wish I felt. Alert. Pretty. Pleased. All manner of admirable things.

• I am in Hell: a doc's waiting room blasting country music.

• Country: music for the simple-minded and suicidal.

• I just missed my exit again.

• I am a machine for converting chocolate into complaining.

• Get up, Megan. Get out of the car and walk into that building. You can do it. You’ve done it before. And you're going to have to do it again.

• Screaming at my PC again.

• More expletives dished out to the PC.

• I am a woman of convictions. Fluid ones.

• I'm fed up with having to pretend I care about everyone's kids' soccer games, favorite foods, firsts, and college aims.

• Love the buh-buh-buh-Benny and the Jets part of that song. Can't help but sing along even in the foulest of moods. Buh.

• You know you're overworked when you try to put deodorant over your shirt.

• I believe that cumin just might be my favorite spice. Frangrant. Flavorful. Fine. Freaking awesome.

• Listening to right now: Jamiroquai's Starchild. New download. Where has this been all my life?

• It might have been too long since you've filled your prescription of cowbell: http://stupidtinyurl.com

• Won the husband lottery, I did. That foo' is an angel in Apple t-shirts. For so many reasons. I certainly haven't earned the fortune of his affection.

• The cardiologists' diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

• Just found out that the nanny a friend of mine hired for her son shook the kid. To not breathing. And she's not in prison. Is this really the world we live in?

• Spent four hours standing in 3.5-inch heels. Was positive feet were going to give out and walk away without me. A perfect illustration of consequences of choices.

• I need to stop biting my nails. I am 27 years old. Too old for hangnail problems. Yet here they are.

• Not talking on the phone at all while driving is a whole lot harder than you'd think. I believe my minutes may have gone down 200/mo. I'm serious.