Friday, October 2, 2009

FLESHITARIANS

I went to the gynecologist on Monday.

They call him Fastest Pap in the West.

Glancing at my chart, he asked if I am still a vegetarian.

I told him I was.

He asked if I am still getting my protein from beans, eggs, milk, grains, and soy. I said that I sort of was. For I'm torn when it comes to the eggs and milk. I go back and forth. I like omelets. I love cheese. Ice cream is what Zeus ate for breakfast, and all should try to be more godlike.

But I have animal issues and somehow don't feel right about eating The Little Red Hen's unfertilized spawn and the juice of Bessie's bosoms.

But again: there's the issue of omelets, cheese, and ice cream.

So you're not really a vegetarian, he told me.

I was confused. I don't eat meat. At all. I'm a vegetarian.

He then told me that his daughter is a true vegetarian: she doesn't eat eggs or milk. But she will eat fish and shrimpy things.

Aha, another misguided medical professional. They're sort of what I do for a living.

So I educated him. As I shall now educate you.


'Cause I have a hard time eschewing the eggs and milk products and honestly never see it happening (remember the omelets, cheese, and ice cream), I'm technically a Lacto-Ovo. I feel that if I had any self control at all and were really a good person I'd be vegan. (You can be a red-meat-eating good person; I however, cannot. Don't ask questions; I don't have reasonable answers aside from the fact that all animals have mysteriously developed the face of my dog, and I can't eat my dog.)

And yes, I'm of the vegetarian variety that thinks pescetarians (or written out pescatarian, interchangeably) are posers. They are eating flesh.

The definitions of fishmeat as meat or notmeat are varied and the discussion around those definitions is heated. The differentiations are not so much scientific as religious, for both the Jewish and Catholic religions have clarified fish as notmeat. I don't subscribe to either religion, so I don't think I'm in any moral danger if I say that's bunk, and that if it was once living and you've decided to eat its carcass that that there is meat your gnawing.

And that's fine with me. Eat meat. Eat a lot of it. Your business, not mine. Just don't eat flesh and call yourself a vegetarian. You could instead be a flexitarian, and should at least come to terms with it.

Easy-to-understand definitions courtesy of The Passionate Vegetarian. (A hideous webpage that I feel guilty sending you to.)

13 comments:

rabidrunner said...

I'm a pervertarian.

meg said...

Some native tribes eat their enemies to gain their power or attain some of their skills. We're going to say you're not of that persuasion, 'cause it would just be wrong to eat perverts to become more like them.

Jaime Stephens said...

You are awesome megan.. I feel so educated now and really that is something I always wonder about because I work with a lady who calls herself vegeterian but if the food is free (drug rep free) she eats chicken hmmm whats the definition for that?

Also, catching up on some posts of yours and in response to the "up in smoke" entry... My favorite sight of all times: Working at the cancer center and the guy who has lung cancer comes in to get chemo, gets hooked up to his IV gets the chemo coming in, mind you he is wearing oxygen, and then pushes himself outside in a wheelchair holding on the IV pole gets in the back of his truck (somehow missed that part) sitting in his wheelchair and lights up.. Classic oxyen and all right smack damn in the front of the cancer center, wish I had my camera.

Keli'i and Megan said...

Megan, is your hubby a vegetarian? Because I don't eat all that much meat, but I have to cook it for my hubs. He would die without meat...So, I was wondering if you cooked other foods for him (or he cooked his own food) or if he ate the same as you.

meg said...

Nope. Husband ain't a vegetarian. At all. Loves steak and whatnot. He has never complained about what I choose not to eat, and I believe it's his business what he chooses to eat.

This is possible because neither one of us cooks.

We both work 40+ hours a week and coming home to cook for just one other person isn't on the agenda. We eat out a lot together, eat raw, and often aren't home at the same time anyhow, so we then fend for ourselves.

We talked recently about the food in the house if we had kids and he was pretty shocked to learn that I absolutely wouldn't be cooking meat. I was shocked that he was shocked. Why would I cook meat when I'm personally against eating it? Duh. I truly believe that to meat or not to meat is a choice everyone has to make on their own. So if I had kids, I wouldn't cook meat at home, but if they were out at a friend's house, say, and wanted a hamburger, by all means, they should eat one.

If my spouse wants to eat a pork chop, he can buy it and cook it. Just because I'm the woman in the house doens't mean that I'm the cook. If he puts something meat on the grocery list, of course I'll buy it, and even when something's not on the list I buy him the meat whatnot I know he likes to eat. But right now isn't an at-home-meal-planning phase in our life, though I've decided that even if it were I wouldn't be planning to cook flesh.

Ashley Thalman said...

This is hilarious! So funny. That pic of the cow with Sophilia's face is, well, amazing!

mrragzz said...

Definitely a nuanced discussion. I recall certain introductory prerequisites impacting your decision making as well -- when architecting a sundae, for instance (tho sufficiently replete with multiple anthropocentric reasons to avoid such a design).

Really does come down to where we all draw our respective lines. I'm sure your line between happily procuring and lugging home the bloody animal flesh but stopping short of applying heat to said flesh makes total sense to you, but to me sounds arbitrary, and kinda like being willing to buy your nephew a joint but morally objecting to giving him a light :). (And yes I know and agree that men and women can both fire it up in the kitchen - I'm all for shoe-clad feet taking women wherever they want to go. Or sandals.)

Btw that would be a cute (and statement-y) costume for Sophie later this month.

(my word verification was cultenu - awesome)

Lars said...

The musing and remarks between you and Rabid made me burst out laughing at my internship. Thankfully no clients are in here seeking accommodations right now. I would have to tell them I have some sort of behavior disorder.

Megan, as a fellow vegetarian do you run into the issue of the meat aroma making your stomach churn and make you head for the door? My roomie slash brother is a chef and loves to whip up a storm in the kitchen, always containing meat. Always making me ill. Love him, loathe meat.

Jessica said...

is your vegetarian-ism related to the yogic principle of ahisma? i'm just curious if yoga and being vegetarian came about at the same time.

Keli'i and Megan said...

Your husband is more capable than mine. Keli'i would starve if I didn't make him dinner. Ha! No, I guess he would live off of top ramen or some other crap I don't approve of. My Eva hates meat. If she has a plate of rice, fruit, veggies and meat, all gets eaten but the meat. I don't make her eat it if she doesn't want to...most days, anyway.

rabidrunner said...

Did you notice that "shit" houses itself in the midst of "fleSHITarians"?

theflanfam said...

I learned about the whole "flexitarian" not too long ago. My husband is trying desperately to change me into one of those. I've tried. But I get caught up in the whole eating of the flesh. Quinoa and beans. That is how it's done.

Markelle said...

welp put me down as a "vegetarian sympathizer".

maybe one day you will be a 'true vegetarian'. I'm glad you enlightened your doc.