Monday, September 28, 2009

NOT A LOSS FOR WORDS


Sometimes I’m a fount. A fount of things to say—to write. Much as I wish it were, this isn’t one of those spells.

I’m flat. I’m drawing blanks. It’s not that I’ve nothing to say—I’m not dead—it’s that I can’t wrap my head around topics on which I want to speak, to harp, praise, lambaste, or Remark. I know I have opinions somewhere, but nothing these days kicks me hard enough to induce a passionate response.

I have words and nothing on which to bestow them. I need a topic to decorate or destroy. The catharsis I normally experience in the maintenance of this space has abandoned me.

Truly, it all happened after I cut my hair. I was unaware, but like Samson, I had reliance on longer locks; only for me it wasn’t strength the shears leeched but instead wryness, pluck, and wit. Tenets of the self I’ve carefully crafted. Though I am now charmed by the result of Cat’s snippery, the newly-cropped locks have unfortunately made me less of myself. Apparently, each clip took a little bit of my audacity with it. My fire’s been flushed.

Now, though decidedly more elfin looking, I’m bland.

And though at times I can sit calmly within the grey fence of mediocrity, bland just isn’t something I can be. Is my sassy hair using up my allotment of spirit and scrap? Do I only get so much and the ‘do stole it all?

I’d be callous, however, to blame only my ‘do for this state of insipid being; my job has played a considerable role in sucking the Me out of Megan. After months of study and quite a few clacks on the pavement, I’m a better selling machine than ever before, but again, it means I’ve not got what I once had. I should be able to be both, right—me and my job?

Is it the increase of facts, figures and solutions that I now work to remember? Is there only so much space and each new number pushes spunk a little further from reach?

Your help please.

What do you want to hear? What should I write about? I don’t know how long this rut is going to hold me, but perhaps you can spawn the impetus for my recovery. It doesn’t mean I’m going to stop posting; it means that what I leave here is going to continue being total junk.

My sister, Whit, when she wants a little something sparky written on a specific topic, sends me an email or a text message. I don’t usually let on when that’s the case; I just write the post, put ‘er up, and go on my merry way. She’s happy that a thing that needed sayin’ was said, and I’m happy that I had fodder to play with. And you’re happy—or not—that you had something to read and consider.

The words are here, the hay is not.

Inspire me. Goad me. Give me something to apply words and give a little life.

14 comments:

Hen Pecks said...

Sophie is just a dog.

Maria said...

So after reading this I remembered you wrote a post a while back about your opinions on opinions. I (having nothing better to do) looked back in your archives and found it. It was To Opine, which you wrote back in June... You listed tons of things that you have opinions on and said some you have written about and some you had not. Why not choose something from that list? Maybe Mini Van Drivers? Homosexuality? Etiquette?

rabidrunner said...

How about cell phone etiquette! That would be a good saucy one. Yoga is an interesting topic. Pictures of you in your yoganess are always a welcomed treat. Or you could talk about the importance of fiber in your diet... oh yeah, right! You've already done that. (The trouble with your RemarksFromSparks is that you've covered 90% of what there is to cover, so you've "been there done that" in more ways than one.)

I would be interested in learning proper punctuation placement using as many alliterations as possible. Specifically, I have a hard time with proper punctuation placement when parenthesis are involved. I also have trouble with commas. I'm crappy at commas.

So how 'bout punctuation? We bloggers need to Expand our English Education. And you friend, being the English Expert that you are, would be a fine teacher.

You could also open a dictionary at random and throw your finger on something, then do the same on another random page. Compare/contrast the two items that you discover.

Incidentally, how's your creative outlet situation? I know you - you need to create stuff. Have you created lately? I mean, aside from t-shirts and blog posts and havoc?

Misti said...

Seriously, something about yoga. Because Yoga and I do not get along but it is one of those things I've always aspired to like and want to do, but just can't find the heart. Like 26.2.

rookie cookie said...

10 kids in a row getting up in Fast and Testimony meeting all saying the same, brain-washed thing.

"I'd like to bear my testimony. I know the church is true. I know my family loves me and I love them. I know Joseph Smith is a prophet. Namajesuschristamen."

Parents should have their own family testimony meetings at home and then their children can hear from their parents or other family members what a testimony is.

If an investigator was there, they would nod politely and never come back. And it's a problem because my son thing that is a testimony. It isn't. Come to think of it, most "testimonies" end up being "thanktimonies".

meg said...

Well, didn't you just write it all, Whit?

rabidrunner said...

It's not, "I'd like to bear my testimony" it's "I'd like to bury my testimony."

meg said...

She has a point there.

Lars said...

Whit left out the cry and share aspect that lives and breathes every first Sunday in the YSA wards. I like to think of it as the the LDS form of Catholic Confessional. I am certain that I have bought myself a one-way ticket to hell with how many testimony meetings I have smirked my way through since I have converted.

You could go audit one next month and then write up a nice juicy rant on the difference between mormons and LDS folk. Or just remember the horrors from your YSA days.

Jessica said...

"sucking the Me out of Megan", was great. one of the few names where that actually works. ("sucking the Je out of Jessica" doesn't work).

hmmm, topics. i like Lars idea about the horrors of student ward life, but is it maybe too cliche?

ummm, why you hate social networking sites? you've kind of covered that though.

you could always do a word collage. wordle.net makes them for you.

well, i've got nothin', sorry dude.

Jeannie said...

let's discuss our favorite iPhone apps. i'd love to hear what apps you and the others love, and your husband, being that he works at the Apple Store and all. it's not literary but sometimes if you stop trying so hard and just go in a different direction the words will come back. for writers like us, the words 'always' return. so, iPhone apps?

Just Sue said...

How about Faith without works is dead. How about Provodent Living.Am I getting myself in trouble?

lindsey v said...

Maybe you could do an experiment and then write about it. Like maybe let a bunch of kids run all around your house and see how long you can go without cleaning. I do that one all the time.

Or maybe only eat at McDonalds for a month - wait - already been done.

Maybe since you're so petite you should dress up for Halloween and go trick or treating and see what happens.

Okay, I know you would never do any of these but maybe they might spark an idea.

natthefatrat said...

Mmm, a testimony meeting expose, yes please: The Gratimony, the Storimony, there are more but it's late and that's all I got . . . Give 'em hell, Meg.