Friday, August 21, 2009

TWITS OF LATE

• The Automated Postal Center makes me feel very patriotic. And a little amorous.

• I am gauche. I don't like macaroons.

• Do you ever wish to be simple-minded?

• Looking at Alex Trebek without a mustache makes me feel uncomfortable. Like I've just walked in on the dude taking a shower.

• Regret that my blog has been lame as of late--a direct reflection of my deteriorating brain and my present dislike for absolutely everyone.

• Tonight was the first night I had a teacher play Mustang Sally in yoga class. And, by George, I hope it's not the last. Ride, Sally, ride!

• Are you ever totally bummed when a really hot chick marries an ugly guy? And then do you think, "Wow, that happens too often?"

• This hair makes me look dull.

• I love it when Ben and Jerry write messages on the inside of their pints. And I hate when I find them. For it means I ate my way there. Again.

• The fruit that Eve snagged in the garden--the one that gifted us all our monthly periods--it was a rock hard nectarine. How could she resist?

• I don't think I'm using enough hair product.

• Just dropped off a pair of pants at the tailor. Got 'em for $10.99. Really. Post-tailor they'll cost me more than double that. Being short's a treat.

• Love my tailors; I really do. They do terrific work for reasonable flow, but the ethnic scent in their shop makes me gag.

• I lament that Tootsie Rolls are not an acceptable breakfast. I lament it and start my day with 'em anyhow.

• Anyone know of an eyeliner that won't come off? And isn't a tattoo?

• Driving home from Utah. I-80. Saw an animal transport truck full of pigs. Started to cry. Am deeply concerned with my mental welfare.

• There was a cat in the backyard this morning. It gave me great pleasure to see Soph literally shaking with furry and howling her little noggin off.

• Shouldn't my grocery store refrigerate fresh basil?

• Amy Adams' hair in Julie & Julie looks like a cheap toupee meant for an orangutan.

• Listening to: The Politically Incorrect Guide to Capitalism. Am enchanted, engaged, and enraged--about what I shall not reveal.

• Favorite quote in book: "There is no such thing as a collective brain." Ayn Rand. For so many reasons, if God were a woman, it'd be her.

• Want herbal water to come out of my tap. Any ideas on how we could pull that off? Down with flourination. Up with ginger lemongrass.

• Let's push gay marriage off the Issue Table and see about trio technology marriage. I want eternal union with my husband and my iPhone.

• Whole wheat pasta, especially fresh, has such a better flavor than the white stuff. Sorry, Whit, but it's true. Better for you. Better tasting.

• That yoga studio I subbed at a bit ago called me to do it again this Saturday. Gluttons for punishment.

• Ideally delicious brand of crackers for making hummus useful: Mary's Gone Crackers.

6 comments:

Chelsea said...

MAC eyeliner is great. They have a variety of kinds, but I really like the waterproof variety. It goes on nice and smooth, and stays there.
I think its the "powerpoint" eye pencil.

Keli'i and Megan said...

I've used ALL kinds of eyeliner. THE best one: Almay 16 hour wear. It's fabulous. I get it in black. And we all know I could be a rock star with my eyeliner love. And with you on whole wheat pasta. Hate white anything crap. Hmmm...having we been swimming in the same water? Everyone around me is equally incompetent. Thinking simple-minded me would be ideal...um, okay, no.

Misti said...

I've seen Mary's Gone Crackers on many health food blogs...if I see them on a more mainstream blog, they must be worth trying!

Whole wheat pasta...yes it is great, but I haven't gotten into brown rice. I can't handle the nuttiness.

Cunning said...

One time I read your blog and was inspired. That time was about 20 seconds ago.

Like tha hair.

Markelle said...

my husband agrees with your trio techno marriage, I agree with your analysis of Amy Adams (sad.) and the reason it makes us a little angry when we see an ugly dude with a hot girl is because it never happens the other way around. The male species are vain.

you are hilarious! oh, and I thought of you the other night at yoga class. I couldn't do 'the crow', and wondered if you could do it...

meg said...

Markelle, how kind of you to think of me! Yes, I can Crow, but not in shorts when I've been sweating, for then the knees just slide right off the tris. It's a disaster.