Monday, July 20, 2009

TWITS • A WEEK OR SO LATER

• In my next life I'm going to be a sanctioned assassin. That or Helen Mirren. Whichever The Great Spirit is more game for.

• How the heck do people run marathons? Or 5ks for that matter? A single mile leaves me suicidal.

• My big yellow rose clip-on earrings left my ears totally infected. Toss 'em? I think not. They match the yellow slingbacks.

• Those who cheat on spouses are stupid, dumb, selfish, dumb, stupid shits. Sorry for the swear, but don’t tell me it doesn’t fit like a glove.

• A local studio owner just called me to substitute a yoga class tomorrow. Uh, I've never taught before. This'll be interesting.

• Seen: the most bestest bumper sticker: "Animals are just little people in fur coats." (Or at least my Soph is.)

• I’ve created a rockin' soundtrack for that yoga class. I like wonky stuff for my Surya Namaskara. It's gonna freak out the regulars.

• We would have a significantly more peaceful planet with a significantly larger number of Buddhists upon it.

• "Eat greens & prosper." It's now on my kitchen wall. No kidding. Spock gone healthy. Husband hates it.

• Gum. I am a chain-chewer. One used piece goes into the wrapper of the next.

• I wonder how large a receptacle my life's chewed gum would fill . . .

• If more people could see my Soph give shifty eyes, the demand for Yorkies would skyrocket.

• Just ate a quesadilla and heard cows complaining in chorus while I did.

• Mashed and seasoned hummus should grow on trees. In my back yard. Very messy. But tasty. Stand underneath for a mouthful.

• I will pay someone $100 to unpack my suitcase from last week's POA meeting. It generally takes me two weeks to get that done.

• Saw an ad for conflict-free diamonds in eco-friendly gold. Not sure that would persuade me to buy an ugly ring I don't need.

• Two pairs. Each a 3.5 inch heel. Each peep-toed. Patent leather. One slingbacked. One sunny. The other minty. Proud owner of both.

• Raise your hand of you'd like to band together and run away from all responsibilities.

• Looking for a new vice. Was considering diet soda, but without that Liquid Satan in my body my skin is so much better.

• Had a dream last night that my Rabid friend was in a race and got lost in a grotto; we found her in the cave waiting for the ladies' room.

• Can everyone please leave me alone?

• Since every pair of pants I buy has to be taken up, I figure why not buy Tall pants when they're on sale? All go right to the tailor anyway.

• The key to successful Mormon dressing (or any dressing, for that matter): Hollywood Fashion tape: http://stupidtinyurl.com

• I am hungry. Again. Still.

• • •

Yo. Don't get used to frequent mass mock tweet posts. I'm just low on content, so I thought I'd publish a tweeting-in-progress post earlier than planned.

8 comments:

repliderium.com said...

My Yorkie only has one eye (rescue dog) but she can DEFINITELY do shifty with it.

Jessica said...

love that you said "yo." such a great word. that and "dude."

Janeen said...

I can't thank you enough for the "HFT" tip a couple of years ago.

Did I really say a couple of years ago, we are going to have to fix that. Lets make plans.

rabidrunner said...

I cannot picture you saying YO. Typing it, yes. Saying, no. Same with dude. You're far too refined.

I wanna try one of these sweet tweets posts. Simple sentences, packed with info, that don't need to be tied from one to the other. Easy!

Might I have a list of your Rockin' Yoga Soundtrack? The Yoga Lady (instructor, if you will) played the string quartet tribute to Metallica this morning. Very interesting.

Helen Mirren is hot. I can't wait to go gray. Stylist won't let me yet.

I'm out of hummus. My new thing is salt and pepper tater chips dipped in hummus. Yum. That and these little red, yellow and orange peppers (dipped in hummus) that costco has on right now.

If I did find myself in a grotto, I wouldn't need a ladies' room. Hello cave? The whole thing is a ladies' room.

I'm raising my hand.

[Morgan] said...

i buy the ankle length pants when the go on sale and cut them in to shorts.

i imagine you have an unusually strong jaw.

meg said...

Repliderium, your one-eyed baby breaks my heart. Thanks so much for being a rescuer.

Actually, Rabid, I say both yo and dude a lot. Too much. Drives the husband a little nutty; doesn't like hearing Dude from a mouth such as mine. And when I worked in advertising I had a boss who uttered Yo all the time. I picked that up like currency and haven't dropped it yet.

Also, I encourage you to do tweety posts; they're really fun.

And on the soundtrack--our cycles must have synched, for a post with my yoga tunes is written and scheduled for tomorrow. So stay tuned, so to speak.

Oh, and you're gross.

Yes, Morgan, I do have a crazy-strong jaw. You should see what it can deadlift.

Keli'i and Megan said...

I like this post. I can see into your mind. A few thoughts: yes, you found the perfect word for cheaters. They suck. I love that my vice is "liquid Satan" because it truly is. I'm an avid gum-chewer. Isn't that a vice? I am running a marathon in December, but seeing how my feet are in terrible pain all day after having that last kid, I don't know how it'll be possible. And yes, can everyone please leave me alone too? And I did raise my hand when ask if I too wanted to shirk my responsibilities.

aezra noell said...

oh how i enjoy your tweets. gimmie more please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!