Tuesday, May 19, 2009

HAIR SCARE

The Nevada Department of Motor Vehicles is out to get me.

On the day my last license photo was taken, all the stars aligned just right such that the photo my DL boasted was one of the most flattering ever taken of me. No kidding. What a gift! To have a great photo on your Driver's License of all places.

While said license was in my possession, I would go to make a purchase and as they're supposed to, the cashier would ask to see my ID. Why sure! I was so happy to do so. Many a time the response to my plastic surrender was a complement on what a lovely photo I took that day. No kidding, if I do say so myself.

Well such devil-may-care times are gone. Kaput!

I'm sometimes a reasonable soul, and I knew that the odds of coming out of the DMV with a hot photo like last time were slim to uh-uh. I knew that I had been blessed by the choicest of angels in my gift of a great photo on my last license, and it wasn't likely to occur again. I knew that. And I'd had the last four years to mentally prepare myself for it.

There's no way in the world I could have prepared for what I encountered at the Sparks DMV a few weeks ago.

First off, there was no line. Who could have anticipated that? No one I know. The lady I worked with was pleasant and kind. It wasn't too hot. Not to cold.

Such a fortuitous set up made me think that perhaps, just perhaps, I could get lucky again in the photo department. After all, I was prepared for such a circumstance: I had made it a really terrific hair day--I mean downright great; I'd just touched up my fake-face in the car; and that day I'd donned a sublime yet flattering colored top to accent my mug.

I did the vision check, signed papers, paid the fee, and then it was my time.

Follow me over here for the picture, the nice lady said.

I gently readjusted my bangs and followed her for my debut.

I sat in the chair in front of the blue screen.

I positioned myself erect.

And then she said, Okay, and now the bad news.

What? She'd already taken the photo without warning me?

What's that? I asked with palpable fear.

You have to tuck your hair behind your ears.

I WHAT?!

She repeated herself.

All of it? I whined.

Yup. And she explained that it was necessary for the new facial recognition software that Nevada and a handful of other states were now employing. Something about measuring the distance from ear to eye, etc.

My hair behind my ears. All of it.

And to compound the horror of my destroyed coif, the photo is hyper-zoomed-in. The last photo displayed the fact that I have a neck. Not this time. Neckless.

So this license's photo isn't a thing like last time's. This one is a disaster. I look just like Dopey in Snow White.

If Dopey had worn gaudy earrings that would have been acceptable if only his hair had been there to hide them.

17 comments:

Hen Pecks said...

Come on - scan it - we NEED to see it!

meg said...

Go through the trouble to scan it?

Not a chance.

And you knew that.

Hen Pecks said...

Yes - but I had to try. And you knew that.

rabidrunner said...

I went to get a passport photo last week and they did the same hair-behind-the-ears thing! Yick.

Yet another thing we get to blame the terrorists for.

Brandon and Julie said...

I'd move.

Jaime Stephens said...

Move to Arizona... There license's are good for 40 years yup 4-0 years! My husband is from there and I got one a few years ago... My expiration date 5/2048 not kidding. I was so sad when I moved back to Utah and got one that expires in like 3 years or something.. Can you imagine your 45 years old and you can still show people that lovely picture of yours

Courtney said...

Seriously, you need to scan it, so we can share your pain. I've been pregnant in just about every driver's license photo I've taken. Yours can't be worse than my big, puffy face.

Hen Pecks said...

Yeah, Megan! Come on! All in favor?

Misti said...

When I first moved to Miami, my purse was stolen from my house while we slept. (yes...) My original photo was decent, looked good. When I went to get the new one, they lady didn't even tell me when to smile and the result was this sulky looking face. I hate it, and unfortunately it is time to renew but they just do the mail in ones now. Blah.

As for the hair behind the ear...I can't stand it not to be behind my ear. There's nothing worse than hair hanging in my eyes. Blech!! I envy those who can handle it.

meg said...

Here's the deal: I don't like the picture. At all. So I'm not sharing it. Nothin' doin. If you're dying to mock an ugly shot of me, there was a post a couple months ago on appreciating photos of the moment that should delight you.

Ciao.

Hen Pecks said...

Chicken.

meg said...

Not quite sure why my own mother is yearning for a bad shot of her kid.

Go here mom, and remind yourself what I look like at Not My Best: http://www.remarksfromsparks.com/2009/03/as-we-are.html

J said...

you could always say you lost your license and go back. do some practice shots at home before going to get the best look maybe? now i'm concerned if they are doing the same thing in CA, because I am getting a new license on Thursday! although, anything is an improvement on my last picture...

Keli'i and Megan said...

Yes, let's see! I actually just went through this a few days ago. Three kids, hot day and crazy long line does not equal a fun day nor a great picture BUT I didn't have to put my hair behind my ears and I DO have a neck, so I'm not complaining. Sorry, Dopey. That stinks.

Alicia said...

Ugh. That just plain sucks. Hopefully the cashiers won't ask for your license to accompany your CC. ;) Just teasing. I bet we'd think it's cuter than you do!

Kim said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I read cjane, so I found you through the Knuckleheaders link on her blog. Funny thing is that my husband was actually born in Sparks and still has quite a bit of family that live in the area. As for DL pictures, I had a great one right before I got married, then I've been prego the last two times I had to get a new one, so I feel your pain.

Diane said...

There is a catch, living in Arizona and your license not expiring for 40 years...or so. Guess what? You have to get a retake of your picture, year 12. I'm sure they'll ask again in another 12. Just received that surprise news stating that the law requires it. All they need is $4.00 and my mug for a new shot. Can't verify yet as to whether or not they'll be asking to tuck the hair behind the ears. I hope not.