Monday, March 30, 2009


I kicked a dog.

With my nasty attitude, lack of verbal governor, and aversion to children, you'd think beating dogs would be a highlight of my day-to-day.

Oddly: not so.

I don't know what's happened to me, for I didn't used to be this way, but if I see a dog, I ask to pet it. If one of my docs brings their pup to work (which happens more than you'd expect), I'll get on the ground in my slacks and scuff up my shoes to get to know the animal. The arrival of the Soph induced the arrival of a new Meg. One that likes dogs. A whole bunch.

I would never, ever harm a dog.

Unless it has aims to harm mine.

Well, brother, in that case, I'll kill the canine with my bare hands. (Harsh, but teetering on the cusp of accurate.)

Got my own mama bear thing goin' on.

A few Fridays ago, the weather was something winter days only dream of, thus I thought appropriate a little vitamin D gathering. I put the leash on my Yorkie and we went on a walk to the mailbox down the road.

We walked, and suddenly, my right peripheral vision picked up movement. I glanced to see two dogs charging. Fast. Straight at my Soph. She saw them too and tried to run but was leather-bound to my wrist. I reached down to scoop her from the danger, but the first dog collided, knocking my arm away. From the side, the nasty beast body-slammed my teeny 5 lb animal, jaws wide.

So I kicked and shoved it out of the way, screaming (no, not yelling, screaming at a decibel only those who cross me or my family have encountered) for them to GET AWAY! I held the Soph, a shaking mass of fluff. She nestled into my neck as I muttered what bastards those dogs were, fantasizing about confronting the dogs' negligent, nowhere-to-be-found owner. Only fantasizing though, for I'm far too helpless a wuss for such confrontation.

The dogs had dashed from an open garage where I assume their mess of a master was puttering. My screams didn't even prompt a head-pop from the open door.

I now avow that if something like that happens again, I'm going to sic The Husband on that neighbor. A much scarier thing than you know.

The dog that bombarded my Soph, small by most standards--20 lbs or so--was a behemoth to my lil' terrier and had a trap the right size to rip into my arm, taking a chunk enough to please Shylock. It has to say something good about me that during the drama, I never considered the harm the dog could do to me, only to my Soph.

See, I'm selfless. Kicking that dog practically makes me a saint.


Sue said...

I carry pepper spray for just such events.

The MacMizzles said...

git 'er.

rabidrunner said...

So you know what I notice about that picture of soph? You have two ovens! (I'm real observant that way.)

I had a dog that I'd run with. He was a giant black lab. I'd hook his leash to a belt and we'd run for miles. One day (sounds like a children's book, dudn't it?), we were attacked by one of those Rotten Weilers. The two of them tried to kill each other while attached to my belt. Scared the you-know-what out of us both.

Sparks said...

Ah, two ovens: yes. Two ovens both in use in the two years we've lived here: once. Maybe. And it might have been cause I set one oven to the wrong temperature and was in a big enough hurry that I threw up my hands and put the second into use. So that doesn't count anyhow.

Rotten Weilers is right.

whitneyingram said...

I no likey dogs, but I LOVE lil' Soph.

Yes Rabid, she has two ovens and they don't get used enough. Making hummus doesn't involve an oven.

Her kitchen is great, but it is missing a Kitchen Aid. I am working with her on that one.

Sparks said...

And Rookie: of COURSE you love Soph. She's not a dog. She's my baby.

Sparks said...

And Mom, Mark suggested the pepper spray too. (I guess going on missions teaches boys nasty tricks like that.) I suppose it's a better idea than shooting the dogs as I was considering.

Shelby Lou said...

i would seriously dive in front of a car for my dogs. they are my babies.... pepper spray works wonders my friend kaity has a bottle. i would say it works the same with people as with doggies. Stinkin muts.

you are so non-selfish you dog kicking fool.

[Morgan] said...