BIZARRE WARS

The scene: one a.m. Sparks. Romo home. Master bedroom. Big, tall, puffy bed.

The she: I wish I had Star Wars.

Giant guffaw erupts from the he on the right side of the bed.

The he: Which ones?

The first three.

The new ones.

No the first three. The originals.

With Mark . . .

Hamill.

And Harrison . . .

Ford.

Silence.

And Carrie Fisher. And Sir Alec Guinness. And—

He's a sir?

Think so.

What did he do, invent beer?

Of course he did . . . And Billy Dee Williams.

Who is that?

Lando. Lando Calrissian.

Who is that?

The second movie. The token black guy.

That's a great name for the token black guy.

Oh, and James Earl Jones. He's in it too.

But just his voice.

Yes. Carter calls him Dark Vader.

So there was some guy in the Vader suit making motions and saying lines just so the other actors knew their cues.

And then they V/Oed it.

V/O?

Voice over.

You know industry jargon.

No. I just make things up. It's a talent I have.

Pretending?

No. Lying.