Friday, July 11, 2008

BAD DAYS' BITS OF GOOD

I've recently experienced a succession of really, really bad days.

Though my holiday weekend was filled with wonderful encounters and experiences, within me there has been an undertone of dread and fear. Though my situation is healing and that dread and fear is beginning to dissipate, the effects of the undertone are a bit more lasting, because although I've spent time with people I love and enjoyed this 4th of July more than any in my recent past, I've been hard pressed to find anything I like in life.

(I realize this comes right after a post on antidepressants and their worth. However, it should be understood that though antidepressants take away the consistency of gloom, they don't erase bad days all together. When I was first issued my prescription of hope to be filled at the nearest Walgreens, my doctor warned me of this; Your bad days won't go away, she told me, They will just be less. My days of late have been some of those bad days even a hefty and much appreciated anti-depressant can't erase, though I've got my suspicions it dulled the pain.)

My sister Mal wrote a list of things she's into right now. She called them her obsessions. They're the things that make her happy. Things that make her go. Things that give her momentum. I must have some of those, I thought, when I read her list. I simply must! So I've spent the last couple days digging for the good. Digging for the anticipated. Digging for the something that gives me some get-up-and-go, some of them even through mucky times.

From the depths of recovery and the height of hope, my list of the little things:

• Learning to float when doing vinyasa jump-backs in yoga
• My dog's perfect face
• Visits to Aunt Sue and Uncle Mickey's house
• Grandma when she's grumpy
• My Mac
• Ponytails
• That The Husband wears his whiskers scruffy
• ACT fluoride rinse
• Protein-packed meal-replacement shakes for breakfast
• Elton John
• The fact that I'm getting to know my Reno offices better
• Books on iPod
• Those little watermelons
• Watching the ever so shallow O.C. DVDs while on the treadmill
• Not having cleavage
• That I've discovered Buffy's a brilliant brow magician
• String Cheese
• The impending switch of my phone to an iPhone
• My go-to Banana slacks
• That The Husband takes it upon himself to regularly fill my gas tank
• Paper plates
• Victoria's Secret yoga clothes
• AC in my car and my house
• Discovering wireless Hot Spots
• Vitamins
• Progress in my efforts at overcoming road rage
• Ogling Ashley Thalman's unique, perspective-rich photography
• Gmail as opposed to Yahoo! Mail
• That my other-half walked away from his t-bone car accident week before last
• Not carrying a purse
Vegetarian Times 1 food 5 ways monthly feature
• The wealth of Taste of Home picture books my mom just gave me
• That my thoughtful mom was cognizant of the fact that I love looking at the Taste of Home books
• Hot keys
• The Husband's generosity to total strangers

Perhaps the world isn't busting apart at the seams?

6 comments:

rabidrunner said...

I'm happy that I don't have cleavage too! Finally... Someone else!

meg said...

Nothing quite like a kindred spirit.

Bless you.

Mal said...

Thats great meg. I loved your list, loved it. I think you be the coolest.

Andrea said...

M, I am a kindred spirit of trying to find the positive when the negative is all around. We all go through bad times, but it's family and friends that can help you through them.

I love your list, but I have to admit that I do love my clevage.

Buffy Bandley said...

Thank you for the compliment Meg. I am happy to give of my time and service for your brows.

birdonthelawn said...

um. i just read this. i realize it is a little behind to just be reading this but my me thanks for the mention