Monday, June 30, 2008

A JARRING TASTE OF MY MORTALITY

You're pretty lucky to be reading this.

I nearly died on Saturday.

See, I got on the back of my mom's 4-wheeler, and I nearly lost my life to sheer terror.

I exaggerate a whole bunch quite often; it's pretty fun. But I'm not exaggerating in the least when I say that I have never been so afraid of losing my life as when I got the initial feel for what a little quad ride with Grandma Sue would be like.

I wanted a ride on her toy. Thought it would be fun, you see.

You need closed-toe shoes, she tells me.

Uh, okay, I think. Some silly rule she has. Whatever.

She hands me a helmet as she dons her own.

I hop on the back and off we go. Through the foliage in their back yard. Down to the end of the cul-de-sac and what!? up a hill and into the uninhabited mountains!

. . . Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me. Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me. Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me. Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me. Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me. Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me . . .

It crosses my shallow mind that if I do die, whoever comes across my rotting body in the middle of nowhere will find a girl with nice looking eyebrows, as Buffy had just finished waxing them.

. . . Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me. Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me. Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me. Dear Heavenly Father, don't let me die. Spouse needs me . . .

When I suggested a quad ride, I thought perhaps we'd take a little zip around the neighborhood, a quick little jaunt, so I could feel the wind in my hair. Such was not the case. We bumped over the rutted earth at what seemed to be the speed of sound. We whizzed past protruding trees. Up embankments. Down vertical drops.

It was horrifying.

And it was even scarier when I finally opened my eyes.

That woman, my mother, is a maniac. A speed demon. A dare devil.

Her eldest daughter on the other hand: she's a wuss.

5 comments:

Lindsay said...

Sounds like fun!
At least Mark was on your mind!

Kar said...

Buffy? Not the same Buffy who's been doing hair in the Provo area for years? I can't imagine there being more than one. She's famous, and she rocks.

Also, is there a Knuckleheaders icon available for people to put on their pages? I like to give credit where it's due. I swear I've seen one before, but I looked on your website and I didn't see it. I may just be retarded though.

Andrea said...

I love it! I would have thought you'd at least have given Sophie an afterthought in your prayer/mantra...she is your baby.

Haley Hall said...

Oh come on Megan...we have all known our ENTIRE lives that our mother is absolutely crazy.

tadd&cat said...

She's psycho. Duh, and we love her for it. I'm just sorry that you fell for it, and actually hopped on the back of that quad.