THE PEOPLE YOU CLAIM

I am elevating my feet. Ankles seem to puff when on a plane for seven and a half hours. Aloha Hawaii. Since we’ve been up since 1AM Hawaii time, Jim is trying to snare a little bit of sleep before the ever-persuasive Josie ropes him into going over to the pool for an evening swim. We got her three-and-a-half new swimsuits, a few sun dresses, a Mraz hat, snazzy shades, and a terrific spray tan, so she’s equipped to enjoy an Instagram-worthy vacation. 

When our girl Jo found out that we would be going to Hawaii her first response was, I need to lay out and get a tan. Enter sun-phobic stepmoster Megan. Nuh-no, pretty girl. If you promise not to lay out I’ll buy you a helluva tan. So last night America’s most delightful 13-year-old came to my 8:30PM Warm & Mellow yoga class and then we zipped over to Bronze de Beaut for a 10pm tanning appt. Lil’ home skillet bronzed like a pro. We got home at 11 or so. And it’s not like we got any sleep to speak of. Ellikers be bushed, yo. I’m pretty sure Dustin’s passed out in his room too.

While we’re here fingers crossed that said snoozing pilot will be able to fly us over to Maui or something. Because he flies planes. When we were on our flight from LAX to Kona today and the captain got on the intercom and told us his name I turned to Jo and said, “Oh my gosh, someday we will be on a plane and we will hear, ‘This is your captain, Dustin Elliker.’ How cool will that be?” Really effing cool, Dear Reader. He’s extraordinary and getting to witness it is a pleasure. 

Speaking of pleasures . . . let’s see here, what kind of spoiled white chick/kept wife shit have I been up to lately? Ah, outdoor furniture. Our house—gotta level with you, saying “our” like that that still makes me a bit uncomfortable—has a rather terrific and sizable deck. Guys, it needed to be furnished. So I did the research. I did the measuring. I coordinated the colors. And we are gonna have a nice, livable outdoor space come end of next week. So when you come to visit we’ll go out back and sit a bit. I will feed you a salad of herbs and kale that I’ve got growing in containers near the lawn. That is if I don’t kill the darling gifted kale seedlings. Cameron is staying with our puppy babies and plants while we’re on vacation and, like the good Bikram teacher that he is, is ensuring optimal hydration in his charges.

Hey, so a few weeks ago we had Ashley Thalman herself fly out to Sparks to shoot some family photos. Jim’s got new office space and it needs updated family art. A sliver of a sliver of my personal favorites:

I'll sprinkle in more here and there later on.

Hey also, if you’re looking to rent a house in Spanish Springs, I’ve got one available as of this week. 2400 square feet. Two stories. Four bedrooms. Two and a half baths. A kitchen with two ovens that I miss. Two-car garage with one of those weird long bays that people think makes it a three-car garage. And I think by now all the my-two-faced-asshat-husband-isn’t-just-an-unsuccessful-and-lazy-failure-but-also-a-cheating-lowlife taint has leaked out of the walls. A fresh coat of paint and a whoa!-I-dodged-a-bullet-there! realization'll do that.