Tuesday, September 30, 2014


• Sometimes it’s unbelievable how freaking old I look. Then I stand in the right light and I’m like, Dayum girl! You got it goin’ on!

• Today in a medical building a sweet old gal offered me a blueberry donut. We saw an oxygen rep taking bundt cakes into an doctors' office—actually we saw her get off the elevator and take the boxed bundt cakes into the restroom with her, which is inappropriate and totally unacceptable; I’m not a germophobic person, but that just ain’t right—and we both said, “I want those.” And when we got in the elevator together we started talking about how we wanted some sweets but it was only 10:30AM and then she said, “Oh my! I just remembered that I went by Jelly Donut this morning and got some blueberry donuts! They’re in my truck. Do you want one?” I was thisclose to accepting. Also—blueberry donuts? Whaaat!?

• One of the medical buildings in my territory is adjacent to an elementary school. I was there during the afternoon exodus and was surprised by how many dads there were retrieving littles. So high five for antiquated thinking, Romo.

• Yesterday after I got home from work/yoga I told Jim that I ran out of water. “What, during your shower this morning?” “No, before yoga. I drank all I had with me. Wait, why? What was wrong with the shower.” “You were in there for-ev-er.” Oh.

• We are in legging season now, bichis, which means we’re on the cusp of boot season. “Megan, what’s your favorite season?” “Fall.” “Why’s that?” “THE CLOTHES!”

• For my birthday last year Jim got me some Birkenstocks I’d been eyeing. I wear them. I want more. And whenever I slide ‘em on I remind myself to apologize to my mom for spending my whole youth mocking her footwear choices. But then I get distracted and forget. So: sorry, Mom.

• Makes me nutsy when people review a movie or a book and talk about how strong a female character was as if that’s out of the ordinary.

I’m startlingly pale. Like, oh-my-is-that-girl-okay kind of pale. During the summer, as an act of service, I use a self-tanner because when in swimwear my skin color makes other people uncomfortable. This is strange because I practice Bikram yoga which means that my year round workout wear doesn’t provide much more coverage than your average bikini. Apparently I only care about protecting the peepers of people who see my pale skin in the sunlight; those who see it in fluorescent light are on their own.

• I got my little office on wheels an oil change. When the car dudes are all done with their procedures they take me out to my car and show me that this cap is tight and that viscose stuff is full and this light is off, and I stand there thinking, I drive the thing. It’s a fleet car. Do I have to know about all the stuff under the hood?

I don’t have a lick of fashion sense. My sisters got that. Instead I have formulas. My work formula = interesting blouse (may include ruffles, ties, bright colors, patterns, etc.) + pencil skirt + mid-heeled shoes. And I just mix and match the hell outta what I’ve got. In the winter I add a belted trench and swap the shoes for boots. Bam. Effort averted.

When I enthusiastically bailed on my juice cleanse I wasted some money. While I do have a juicer gathering dust in the pantry, it was much more convenient to have someone else acquire the fruits and vegetables and do the juicing and equipment cleaning for me. So I ordered a 3-day cleanse from Jüs for $150. After I picked it up and brought it home, I told Jim that maybe if I liked it he would want to do it too. (That is where I let my crazy really hang out.) An equally enthusiastic fan of paying other people do tedious stuff for him, Jim asked what I paid for it. I said, “Uh, perhaps more than I think I should have spent. You guess.” One of his talents is correctly guessing costs and odds. Of course he'd nail it. “$270” he said. Considering I bailed 4 bottles into an 18-bottle plan, I’m thrilled he was way off. 

• Remember when I had the privilege to perform a wedding? The anniversary was Sunday. These two are just as adorably infatuated with one another now as they were then. May we all be as in love as Evangeline and Andrew—Evandrewline.

• My planet was an ugly and disappointing place in the years before I learned about Ctrl+Z/Command+Z.

• Some days Jim roasts potatoes for dinner. When he does he leaves a little bowl of the crispy treasures out on the counter for me to find when I get home from yoga. I found them. I ate them. I want more.

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