Sunday, August 17, 2014


• Jim got a new yoga mat a month ago. His old one went on the lam. Holy goodness, I’ve got a husband who needs a yoga mat. Seems the gods grin upon me in perpetuity.

• I asked Dustin if there was anything he wanted me to add to the grocery order. “Normal bread,” he said. Like what? “White.”

• Did you know that a major part of being a drug rep is compliance training? There are boatloads of regulations that drug companies and their reps have to follow, and I am constantly doing another online training on things that I am and am not allowed to do. Believe it or not, using pens and food to buy doctors’ devotion to my drugs is a big ass no-no.

• Lame that there isn’t a teen Wipeout. Josie and I agree that she would be a terrific contestant.

• My boss rode along with me two weeks ago, and after one call we got back in the car, shut the doors, and I exclaimed, “Whoa! This is important! It’s awesome that you’re here for this!” “What?” I held my head still and, from the corner of my right eye, looked at her in the passenger seat and replied, “My hair is caught in the door. This is huge! My hair is long enough to get caught in a door!”

• Jim bought bananas last week that went from beautiful to bad in under three days. So I heaved out my binder cookbook, the one with family recipes and others that I’ve collected over the years, so I could morph the browning nanners into bread. I made two different recipes, my mom’s banana bread and one from a lady I knew in Hawaii. See, in this house we love blind taste tests: one fancy olive oil pitted against another, cheap olive oil vs. expensive, teriyaki sauce or soy sauce on potstickers, bakery-bought lemon cake compared to home-made boxed-mix lemon cake, brand name cereal against bargain. In this contest Jo dubbed my mom’s baked good the winner.

• I told Jim that I can do a pushup. “Of course you can,” he said. I replied, “I mean, like, a real push-up!” “Yeah, of course you can.” “Well, I didn’t know I could do that. I could do tricep pushups all day, but a real, wide-armed, dude pushup? That’s new. And I can’t just do one. I can do 10!” He just looked at me, his eyes saying, “Duh, dummy.”

• When I met one of Jim’s employee’s on Friday I shook his hand and then said, “Oh, whoops. Sorry, I’ve got cotton candy on my hand. So I guess now you’ve got cotton candy on your hand too.” “She is very sophisticated,” Jim told him.

• I’ve had the first two lines of the chorus in Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds” on loop in my head for two weeks now.

• In therapy my shrink gave me a suggestion to which I replied, “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” She is still letting me come back for more sessions, which is magnanimous since I was quite the punk.

• Benjamin’s best friend, also eight-years-old, is the most polite child perhaps ever and has a mohawk, a combination that makes him perfect.

• Gus the Labradoodle:
(Photo by Ashley Thalman Photography, btw.)
He has taken to spending at least half of every day under our bed. He’s there right now. It’s a squeeze getting there, and he has to army crawl to get out.

• My dad called me about a photo that I posted on Instagram. “I’m calling about your lipstick,” he told me, “It’s very red.” “Yes, it is.” “Like what my mom used to wear.” “Yes, Dad. It’s fashionable. She was fashionable.” “Oh, okay.”

• On the way to church this morning Josie mentioned that she needed new church shoes. So during sacrament meeting we bought a pair, and they'll be here Wednesday. Amazon has my heart. 

• Habanero-hot husband has been applying his skills to installing another barn door in the house. This one is in our bedroom, which basically makes it foreplay.

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