Friday, September 11, 2009

FOR POINTED EXCLAMATIONS

A problem's been festering and I've finally solved it. With rationing.

Rationing exclamation points.

The problem: people use too many of 'em. And the more exclamation points they use, the more imbecilic they appear, especially when they're getting happy with multiples.

So we'll ration them. Three per day. Three to apply throughout all your emails, essays, blog posts, etc., for the day. You only have three. So be choosy.

If you don't use all three in a single day, feel free to stock pile them for another time. Accrue away. That way if you throw an exclamation point party we'll actually pay attention. The mark will mean something. When you employ those pieces of punctuation too frequently, they become nothing more than dotted little boys crying, Wolf! And you make yourself appear as if you do nothing but screech in a high-pitched voice. Which makes you look annoying. And stupid.

If you're judicious with your exclamation points, you might consider selling them. The more intelligent folks can make a buck off the idiots.

Want to write a piece that has 30 incredibly excited bits? Okey dokey. Simply save up your punctuation rations for 10 days and you'll have just enough.

Or I'll sell you some of mine.

16 comments:

Lindsay said...

I used 6 in my last post!!! Whoops!

rookie cookie said...

Thank you for fulfilling my request!!! I had wanted you to write this post just like THIS!!!!!

rabidrunner said...

This is a great idea - like rollover minutes. The Congress should know about this. I'll give you something special if you write your senator about it. In fact, why don't you call all of your faithful readers to write a letter to their senator and/or congressman? I think I'll do so today.

(You know however, that to get around the rationing, I'll spell it out instead of inserting it's punctuated counter-part. Like this: You are so very awesome [exclamation point exclamation point])

Hen Pecks said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Take THAT!!!)

meg said...

Rabid, your encouragement to write my senator (who is my senator anyhow? Is that the 435 group of the 100? Just kidding) brought to mind a flaw in my program. I want the government less involved in my life. Not more.

In the Pharmaceutical industry we regulate ourselves so that Congress doesn't feel they need to meddle. Perhaps we should figure out something like that.

Oh, well. I thought it was a good idea. Kind of like the satirical paper I wrote in college in the style of "A Modest Proposal" suggesting we sell the English department professors into slavery to pay for various school needs.

meg said...

I meant the 435 group OR the 100. That's what I get for being a smart ass.

Keli'i and Megan said...

Ha!!! I totally do this! Oh man, now I'm out for the entire day!!!

Brandon and Julie said...

Three per day? That is awfully generous. I had a professor at the U that limited us to 3 per semester. Seriously.

meg said...

I believe it, Julie. But I had to be kind to the least among us, especially since I fall into that category.

Jessica said...

i was waiting for someone to comment with only exclamation points. it appears your mother has fulfilled my need (and used her allotment for at least three weeks).

rabidrunner said...

What's even funnier about this write your congressman about the commas thing, is... what will be the punishment for using more than your alotted exclamation points? Jail time? Funny. I don't know why, but I'm having all sorts 'o fun over this one today

Who is your senator...? Bah!

meg said...

The punishment: counting all the exclamation points in Finnegan's Wake.

What's this thing you call "senator?"

Rowboat said...

Clever, clever. I stopped using exclamation points half way through my mission when the depression hit like a B. That's when I realized how annoying they are and I've never looked back.

Are there any requirements on how excited people can be when they talk as well? For example, I'd like to limit smiles.

And then I'd like to turn into Satan himself.
(This comment took a turn for the worse awful quickly.)

aezra noell said...

oh man, if you ONLY knew my SIL. she goes to town on ex points. I sure wish she'd read you ...she'd probably hate you....shes the offensive kind.(but secretly that would make me happy).shh.

Janeen said...

you have chatted about this before and I decided that I would watch how many ! I place in my every day writing.

Andrea said...

I LOVE MY EXPLANATION POINTS!!!!!!!!! And I also love to make sure you know what I mean by all capitol letters as well.......throw in a few periods for dramatic effect and I'm good to go! Oh, another exclamation point, see what I mean, I LOVE them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!