Friday, July 3, 2009

PLAN OF REACTION

I have an upcoming POA meeting for work. POA: Plan of Action. Plan of Attack.

We don't have these meetings too often, perhaps just three or four times a year. But when we do, the days we spend have a familiar ring to them: we gather, sit in dark rooms, gazing at videos and power point presentations on our respective disease states (those we have responsibility to sell for, not necessarily those that we have ourselves), we eat a lot, and then we role play until our mouths are dry and we can no longer stand (which comes quickly when you're teetering in a pair of four-inchers).

Overall, the meetings aren't too big of a deal. I've been to enough of them to know what to expect. However, two or three weeks before a meeting I start fretting. Yes, fretting about what I'm going to wear. Yes, fretting that my roots might be a little longer than is acceptable. Yes, fretting about missing my yoga classes. But mostly fretting about food. What the heck are these people going to try to feed me this time?

When it's near meeting time, prospective attendees receive an email "inviting" (in quotation marks because let's be honest here, you're not "invited" like you have a choice; you're goin', sister) them to register. So you register.
Name • Megan Romo
Address • Somewhere in Sparks
Emergency contact • The Husband
Relationship to emergency contact • Eternal companion bound in love, affection, adoration, and many other words that mean just about the same thing
Job title • Specialty Sales Professional
Territory • Reno, Nevada
Special dietary considerations • Uh . . .
Do I write "Vegetarian?" No, I can't do that, because then what they'll give me will be drowning in butter and cheese and will be unrecognizable as actual food, and I will refuse to eat it. (I love how people think that vegetarians require cheese for a dish to taste good. Folks, try those vegetables, noodles, rice and beans all by themselves; you'll be surprised to find that they not only have flavor, but a dandy flavor at that.)

Do I write "Vegan" so as to avoid the cheese conundrum? No, because that's a lie. I'm not a vegan, for sometimes I eat cheese or fall to the temptation of ice cream. When I do, I find myself stumbling under the pressure of guilt for partaking in something made with milk taken from cows I've never met and don't know how they were treated. (Let's you and I talk about this whole issue/position later; not now, okay? I am completely aware that I verge on peculiar here. I have no idea what's happened to me as of late; I didn't used to feel like this.)

But again, if I just write "Vegetarian," the truthful statement, I will find myself subjected to cheese. Lots of it. I will refuse to eat it. I will then find myself starving. And then I will give in to the stupidest thing lying around (most often candy, chips and other demonic treasures). And then I'll come home feeling like garbage and will have to take a vacation day to recover from the crud I feel weighted with.

So what do I do? I lie. I write "Vegan." It's better to try to explain away the occasional dairy disaster or the lie itself than leave a full plate of Something sitting at the dinner table and later realize that I've stuffed my body with jelly beans.

That and I bring enough nuts, Clif Bars and Lara Bars to feed the entire meeting. So I guess we should be just fine. Fretting unnecessary.

6 comments:

Shelby Lou said...

I want to know more about your vegetarianism slash vegan thing. I have tried to be a vegetarian for a couple of weeks a month ago, just to see if I could do it. I don't think I could ever be a vegan. This girl gave me a vegan cupcake, it had cactus sugar in it. WEIRD if you ask me. BUT I do want to know just how you feel about the situation. You are amazing at sharing your opinion....

meg said...

Shelby Lou, that was hysterical. The cactus sugar you're talking about was probably some kind of agave syrup (you know agave--the plant that tequila is made from?). It is a really nice, sweet, can-even-be-good-for-you syrup (one brand I know (Xagave) has inulin in it--inulin is chicory root and is a probiotic/prebiotic). You can buy agave syrup in your grocery store in most places. That's where I get it.

I think that the best thing a person can do when sharing a vegan treat is to keep the vegan part secret until you've finished it. Tricksy, I know, but I have a dessert book of all vegan recipes and they're all indistinguishable from their traditional version.

Truth be told, I don't see myself reviewing my veg thing here. I really, really, really don't want it to seem like I'm trying to sway someone into forgoing meat and other animal bits. It sounds overly spiritual for me to say so, but that is a really personal issue, and though my opinions are strong, they weren't formed to convert. If you have any questions on my whys and why nots, feel free to email me and I'll answer what I'm able.

Misti said...

I had a vegan cupcake in California a few months ago and I think it tops one of the best cupcakes I've ever had in my life. Now, if I could only make them.

It's very hard to stay away from the office food. I was good when I first started my job, but now I cave in too often. Do you buy your Lara bars in bulk somewhere?

meg said...

No, Misti, I don't buy them in bulk--I'm not that committed to any one flavor; I have to switch it up or I end up not liking them at all. They have them in many flavors at my neighborhood Raley's (grocery store) and at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's.

Shelby Lou said...

Understood about the whole vegan posting thing. I just don't see how that cupcake I ate could have been good. Seriously, I felt like I was eating a can of bug spray or something. ANYWHO. I am not a hater on them, if someone insisted that they tasted good and they weren't insect infested... I would totally try one. A. Because I am can take different opinions and run with them, and B. Because I am no pansy.

meg said...

Very nice Shelby Lou; that's a good policy to have: if it's not insect infested I'll give it a try. Very nice.