GIVING LABELS

Almost two years ago, when I gave birth to and began raising Remarks from Sparks, I didn't engage in post labeling. I just didn't see that part of blog maintenance as interesting or important.

But times have changed.

Now the economy is loads of fun to talk about. We have a new resident in the White House. Lost is even more confusing. My dog is fatter. So am I. Two more of my sisters are married. I have another nephew and a niece on the way. I like Sparks. And I am now into using labels for my posts.

I've worked for more than one significant corporation necessitating an acronym dictionary. Inspired by that, as my posts have become more prolific, I've come to the conclusion that a little label dictionary of sorts may be a nice clarifying element of my blog. Thus I've crafted a legend for my labels--a tool helpful to the Remarkable readers, new and old, and helpful to the writer (me!) as she tries to keep the posts within her label categories consistent and straight.

So here 'tis: a post on the Remarks labeling system. Here we have information on what kind of posts each label encompass and how some a' the labels' names came to be . . .

A. DEPRESSANT • A category on the anti-depressant drug class. This class of posts truly oughta be more prolific; maybe I'll consider gettin' on top of that.

ALL THE WAY TO RENO • This'n's one to corral bits n' posts talking about our current spot of residence. I live in Sparks, Nevaaada, but when you live 'round here you call the area Reno/Sparks. That being the case, I use "All the Way to Reno," the title of an R.E.M. song that Rabid gifted me a bit ago, as a label to talk about the place in which I live, seein' as where I live really is "the Reno area." These posts are on the area's weather. Its people. Places. Food. Jist general Reno/Sparks whatnot. (I feel like I gots to talk a little hickish when speakin' a' my home.)

AN APPLE A DAY • A category for my adventures in my own health--the routine events and otherwise. Visits to my physician(s) and my everyday Apples (efforts at keep[ing] the doctor away, so to speak).

ASK-N-GAB • This label gathers up the Thursday Ask-n-Gab posts and any follow-up posts I put together. Thursday's posts are those where I ask a getting-to-know-you question from my many conversation cards, and as you, the Remarks readers, answer the question, we open up a dialogue. I love Thursday's posts. They remind me how interesting the folks 'round here can be. You're funny. You're thoughtful. You're clever. And, as I've said before, you're one of my a darn good reasons for keeping a blog.

BIRTH AND CONTROL • Birth control is one of my piping hot topics, meriting it's very own label. This category includes my encounters with birth in addition to my rants regarding prophylaxis.

CHAPTER BOOKS • Overall, I have a lot to say. (Naw. Really?) On pretty much everything. (No kidding?) This can result in lengthy posts. And can also result in multi-part posts. Posts so stinkin' long they have to break themselves down into chapters. Clicking on Chapter Books will ferry you over to these multi-part posts. Posts on experiences so thoroughly pontificated upon I couldn't help but chop up for easier swallowing.

COIF • Is it possible that I have an entire label category devoted to my hair? Sho 'nuff. Posts all about the hairs on my head.

CONVOS W/31 • A while back my Rookie sis started disgorging Conversations with a 3 year old, bits and pieces of chats with her eldest son, Jack, who is now four-years-old. Snatching the concept, I started writing up Conversations with a 31-year-old, interactions with my husband (who here remains nameless per his request (read: demand)). Initially the category was only for verbatim conversations, but I've loosened that up a bit to include general interactions and comings and goings with my forever someone. Posts on talking with The Husband. Like my nephew, Jack, my mister is also a year older, but in an act of spousal benevolence I'm letting him remain 31-years-old on my blog. Ten years from now when I'm still slogging through writing and regurgitating for Remarks from Sparks I'll be 37 and my love will still be 31. Lucky boy.

EAT • I love food. And I hate it. The Eat category is providently stocked with my posts on food. Eating it. Making it. Complaining about it. Critiquing it. Vegetarianism. And the evolution of my tastes.

IMAGES OF AN iPHONE • The blog you're reading right now is not one of photos. It's one of words. However, every so often I bump up against something worth sharing, and because I most always have my phone on me, it's the method by which I capture the image. Once snagged, I haul it here. Somewhere in my office there's a 12 megapixel Sony camera that I bought twice (and although I vowed to actually use this new camera, I rarely unzip it's little carrier; so much for me and my word), but instead you get images from the 3 megapixel iPhone I love so well. Why a special category for the photos from my beloved telecom device? Ego, mostly. I am not one of those twenty-something Mormon mommies deluded into thinking I can shoot sweet shots, charging family and friends to lamely capture their memories; even so, I don't want y'all (like that, Misti--correct usage! Yee Haw!) thinking I'm as rotten a shot as my phone can make me seem. It's hard (and should probably be against the law) to drive and snap a photo of the bumper sticker in front of you.

LOGOPHILIA • I have a shop of posters. Whenever the shop is the subject of a post, it gets slapped with the Logophilia label. For that's the shop's name: Logophilia.

LOVELY RITA CHEATER MAID • Hot dang! I just got me a maid service! For that we have the Lovely Rita Cheater Maid category. The name of the category was born of the Beatles song "Lovely Rita (Meter Maid)." "Cheater" substituted for "Meter" because though I'm thrilled to have other people cleaning my house I feel a bit guilty about it, considering the act a domestic cheat.

MA MERE • Ma mere: my mother. A label that laps up the posts I've written about my mom. Posts on times we've spent together, things she did when we were kids, stuff she's taught, what I love about her, and all the other things, small and large, that make up that pretty thing called a mother-daughter relationship.

MACSIONARIES • My husband and I are missionaries for Apple. For the iMac. The MacBook and its Pro version. All things lowercase I. When it comes to the goods of the Apple store, I have encouraged to the point of purchase more than just a couple pals. So I have a Remarks label for the posts all about my passion for goods from my favorite local fruit stand.

MARMEN • I am a Mormon. Born in California but raised in Provo, Utah, the Mormon Mecca. And if you get deep enough in Utah you hear "Mormon" pronounced "Marmen. " So clicking on that particular category will get you to my writings about, opinions on, and experiences in Mormondom.

MON PERE • Mon pere: My Father. My dad. The man I call Dadda. Thinkings and feelings on this smart, nifty man. (Far, far too few posts here.)

MRS. MALAPROP • I have grand plans for this category though now its posts are, uh, uno. To explain the label's name: In Restoration Literature in college I met Mrs. Malaprop, a character in Richard Sheridan's 1775 "The Rivals," and though the play's plot escaped me pretty much upon completion, her name never has. (If you didn't already know: a malapropism is a misuse of a word, substituting a word for one that sounds similar but has an unrelated meaning.) Mrs. Malaprop spent the entire work misusing words. This label is for posts on the misuse of words. It's gonna be burgeoning.

NEW GOON • The label New Goon is to collect the four-part series I put together on Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn.

NONCOGNITO • I don't know about you, but when I come upon a blog I want to know what the author looks like. I'm highly visual. If you and I are talking on the phone I'm visualizing you in your location. If I don't know what you or your location look like, I make it up from the sound of your voice. As this is a word blog not an image blog, I thought I'd do you the favor I wish everyone would do me, I've grouped the posts that have images of the author into a single label: Noncognito, for I am no longer in disguise.

OF GOOD REPORT AND PRAISEWORTHY • A category of the things to seek. The things that are good. The bites of life that are the better parts. Snatches of life to love and to laugh at. (Even if the one laughing has my warped, fatalistic, cynical sense of humor.) I do make efforts, however, to make this category one that includes only things that would commonly be considered praiseworthy, not only thought tee-riff by the chanting kasheesties in my bobbed noggin.

ON OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOGS • Want the truth? I read very, very few blogs. So few that I'm not even going to tell you how many I actually subscribe to. Sometimes though, I find myself with time enough to surf or blog hop and I then find myself enamored, fired up, or freaked out by what I find in my rummagings through the world wide web. Under the category of On Other People's Blogs I write about said e-feelings and findings. It's also under this category that I will ramble on about my own blog.

OUT-LAWED • Posts on in-laws. But they're benign--even positive--posts, seeing as there is so much I can't actually say here in such a public forum (and probably shouldn't even say in private ones). Oh, for the password-protected posts that Word Press allows.

PANTIES IN A BUNCH • Knickers in a knot. Or as Rabid puts it: Undies in an Uproar. These posts are the ones in which I bitch about something that's got me riled up. Unfortunately (or fortunately) these posts are the ones most likely to get you riled up too--but more likely riled up at the position I'm taking rather than over the subject matter.

PILLOW TALK • A possibly entertaining but sadly unattended category. I should vow to write more posts on the Romo pillow talkings. But I won't do that (make a vow). I'm finding making promises I can't or have no intention to keep isn't a Best Practice.

RABID ENCOUNTER(s) • If you blush easily, maybe you don't want to read the posts in this romantic category. They're words assembled to tell the tale of a love affair. I met an awfully athletic woman online and the label Rabid Encounter(s) are the posts I've written about meeting her.

RATED: B • B is for Bitchy. Posts rated 'Bitchy' are very likely to offend or unnerve. They may be inflammatory or outright angering. They are cynical, negative, or sarcastic or all of the above combined, producing a conflagration sure to incite rebuke, reproach, or reverberating shouts for encore.

RATED: H • H is for Harmless. Posts rated 'Harmless' won't offend a soul. They're benign. They may be uplifting. They may be uncharacteristically upbeat. They won't incite you to shake your noggin or widen your peepers. They could be quite nice.

RATED: I • I is for Insipid. Posts rated 'Insipid' aren't worth reading at all. Just skip over them. They may have been the child of intellectual exercise, crafted merely for the author's entertainment, a filler post, or just plain stupid.

RATED: S • S is for Saucy. Posts rated 'Saucy' are intellectually, emotionally, and/or socially engaging, likely tinged with sarcasm and/or cynicism but aren't overly pessimistic. These posts aren't harsh enough to necessitate a B rating, for they have a wider appeal, but they may contain a certain amount of shock value and raise an eyebrow or drop a jaw. Posts can earn a 'Saucy' rating for questionable, embarrassing, or subversive subject matter as well even if subject matter is presented optimistically and without curse words.

READER-SPARKED • This category is about you. Sometimes your comments make me think thoughts I'd not thought before and I put together a post on them thoughts I'm now thinkin'. All posts labeled Reader-Sparked are posts hatched from your responses and musings.

RHYMES OF THE LESS ANCIENT • Sometimes I write silly little poems. And I leave them here for you to enjoy (or mock the juvenile nature of). The label is a horrific bastardization of the title of a Samuel T. Coleridge poem: "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner."

SAID THE LITTLE STREAM • Remember the primary song "'Give,' Said the Little Stream?" Posts labeled under this one are giveaways or are here to alert you to them. (Is that just a Mormon primary song? I haven't a clue.)

SARTRE'S HELL • John Paul Sartre wrote that Hell is other people. How right he was. Sometimes. Under the label Sartre's Hell you'll find recounts of my less-than-perfect encounters with the other inhabitants of Planet Earth along with analysis and considerations thereof. Online and off. Sometimes generalized. Sometimes specific. Always opinionated.

SINGLE DEADLY SIN • Under this category, the single deadly sin we're talking of is Lust. And things to do with lust. Here you'll find a discourse or two on lust and its more benign derivatives. A pool of posts on human intimacy--the getting there and the Once You're There.

SISSIES • I have five younger sisters. (Not "little," for they are--to the last--taller than I am.) These posts are about my sisters. My "sissies," as I actually do call them.

SOPHER • I am one of those people who treats their dog like a kid. I'm an idiot for it. The Sopher tag is encompasses the gratuitous posts about my pup: Sophelia Clarice Bernard Romo. Si, we're that dumb about her.

TAKE TWO AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING • I am not a stay at home mom. No kids. I am not a stay at home wife. That's just silly. I have a job. I am a pharmaceutical sales representative. The posts I write about occupying my career are cleverly titled Take Two and Call me in The Morning. It's all about the drugs, kiddo.

THE RING • A while back I wrote a six-part post on what encircles my married0-finger and I labeled it The Ring. My precious . . .

TO: A LETTER • Sometimes rather than mailing a letter I'll write it on Remarks from Sparks. (So tacky, I know.) Want to read one or two of these lamely sent letters? Click on To: A Letter.

TWEETABLES • I think Twitter is creepy. I always have. But sometimes thoughts of a 140 character nature fall into my head and wish for publication. So I give them that honor on my blog. The Tweetables posts are those comprised of tweets I'll never twitter.

VHS • They're rare events indeed, but sometimes I'll post a little video for you to view. The days of VHS are dead, but on Remarks from Sparks, the label ain't.

WHOLE EATS • Whole Foods. I have a thing for a freaking grocery store. A market crush. So sometimes I write about it. And label those posts Whole Eats.

WINDOW WORDS • These are posts on words. The ones I like. Those I don't. The fruits of logophilia. Where did the label itself come from? My Aunt Sue. She is an elementary school teacher and in her classroom they have Window Words. Words that her kids read and think fabulous she writes on the window in a dry erase marker. Wonderful words on the window. Window Words.

WORN • Girls like clothes. And shoes. And jewelry. We like things to adorn ourselves with. To wear. And sometimes commentary on these wearables stumble onto our blogs. Sometimes. So I round up the various adornments up under a single label. Like a closet for blog posts.

YOGINITA • I practice yoga. Sometimes more regularly than others. But I love it. A whole lot. And I really love to talk about the practice and my own practice. A male yoga practitioner is a yogi. A female is a yogini. And I've decided that a small yogini is a yoginita. That's me: a small yogini.

(Yup: as I add categories, I'll update this post. If you read a category and forget what the sister posts should sound like, click on "Remarks Labels Legend" to the left. Easy access to information. It's what this Internet thingy is all about.)