Tuesday, May 26, 2009

THE SCOURGE OF CHEESE POTATOES

Comfort food? You've got to be joking. And if you are, you're not very good at it.

Sure I have my comfort foods (these days I'm wild about warm applesauce with an obscene amount of cinnamon served in a paper cup--the environment-killing cup being an essential element of the comfort part). We all do. But there's absolutely nothing comforting about cream of crud soup and pretend cheese with a host of other unmentionable ingredients slaughtering innocent potatoes and casting evil spells on your insides.

If you find comfort in that kind of internal abuse and even take pride in it, and (gasp) consume that kind of garbage more than, say, once a year, you need counseling. For clearly, you loathe yourself a whole lot and need someone with whom you can to sort that out.

All recipes for "cheesy potatoes"/"funeral potatoes"/whatever-else-your-family-calls-them potatoes should be banned and burned. They are a pathetic perversion of Food. (I'm quite sure Michael Pollan would agree.) And I think I could press charges for the intense gag reflex I experience when merely glancing at the recipe in a book or on a blog. (And it seems that everyone lays claim to one of these illegitimate potato gratin dishes, posting their family's treasured (and trust me, not unique) recipe for all to read, copy, comment on, and, in my case (and that of any sensible person, if you ask me--though you don't have to ask; reminder: it's my blog--gag over.)

It's my opinion that parents who raised their children on such poison deserve a good talking to. There is absolutely nothing redeemable in such a dish. Yeah, yeah, I recognize that dishes with no redeemable bits are okay now and again, but when it comes to those terrible potato melanges families serve with pride at holidays and other celebrations, the fact that a single bite of the casserole has the clout to induce an MI makes it unacceptable for consumption.

Fundamentally: disgusting.

8 comments:

Misti said...

Sacrilege!

Shanicherie said...

Agreed. There will NEVER be a recipe for this nastiness in my recipe books, and my children will never eat this as long as they eat from my kitchen!

ash said...

i wonder who would actually call this their "comfort food"? strange.

J said...

this made me chuckle because i used to LOVE cheesy potatoes. now that i'm trying to pay more attention to what i eat i have truly come to realize how disgusting some of the products in the grocery store are. have you read the label on cream of crud soup? yuck!

Kar said...

Oh cheesy potatoes, how I love thee.

rookie cookie said...

Prideful as I think of how not one recipe on my blog contains a can of cream of whatever "soup".

M to the E to the R to the I said...

and Delicious! Every 700 calorie worth bite!

somethinggirl said...

At first I thought you were saying you didn't like potato SOUP. "cream of crud soup". Then I realised you were talking about potato casserole dishes. Then I wanted to say STOP SEDUCING ME.

My hatred for casseroles OF ANY KIND is well established throughout the internet.