
It happened last night. Had an early engagement this morning, tried to get to bed early last night, got there on time, completed my nightly crossword puzzle, switched off the light, snuggled in next to my dog, promptly began fretting. As I rehearsed my fret ritual, I recalled some expert somewhere saying something to the effect of If you want to avoid troubles sleeping, remember that the bedroom is for sleeping and sex; if you can’t get to sleep, get out of the bed. So out I got.
I wandered to my little office. I switched on my little space heater. I woke my computer up—I mean, if I can’t sleep, no one gets to. I recalled the gigantic stash of candy for work stuffed at the top of my closet. Jelly Bellies. Laffy Taffy. Truffles. Hershey’s Crème de Menthe Kisses. Hershey’s Lemon Cream Kisses. Dove Caramel Chocolates. Dove Dark Chocolates. Dove Milk Chocolates. Hershey’s Minis. Werther’s Originals. M&Ms. If only that was all the stash contained. I was bored. I sampled. And then I sampled some more. And then I enjoyed a few more samples.
Sophie watched me chomp on the contraband with a look on her face that said Oh you daft fool.

After the stupid midnight sugar intake, my brain of obviously diminished capacity told me that it required some salt. So I hopped down the stairs to the kitchen. In the fridge, I was forced to ask myself, What works? What’s going to nullify the sugar dancing through my veins? The Portabella mushroom? The red pepper? The Teriyaki-glazed baked tofu? The tomato juice? I stood there in my pajamas, bedhead already in the works, with Sophie at my feet, perusing the contents of my always empty, always neglected refrigerator. And when I came upon the shredded low fat Mexican blend cheese, I snagged it to make a grilled cheese sandwich. It did the trick.
And Sophie was right. I loathe myself today.
7 comments:
You just need to tell Sophie to shut the hell up.
We should have been IMing...I was wandering around as well, but I was in a drug stupor...TylenolPM. It didn't put me to sleep...just made me dopey. How did you appt. work out?
That was beautiful. Poetic and beautiful.
Can i just say i know EXACTLY what you mean, from the early morning commitment anxiety, to the late snacking with complete knowledge that I will loath myself in the morning. Girl, your speaking my language, and its a twisted one.
And what random thing do you make into your Jiminy Cricket, Mal?
Sounds like someone needed a cucumber sandwich or a little late-night Top Ramen.
That IS what I needed. And then I could have gone and spread the rest of the Ramen on some girl's lawns!
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