Sunday, February 17, 2008


All right, girlies. Do you want in on a secret? I mean one that will really change your life—not just one that makes you think you’ve changed your life? Okay, I’ll tell (simply because I’m generous, and it occurs to me that it’s a sort of sin of omission to keep this tidbit to myself).

And here it is:

I spend my life in leather pumps. Wearing these leather (or sometimes vegetarian if the shape and color was irresistible) shoes that I do—walking from car to doctors’ offices, to the next office, standing waiting for the doctor, running back out to the car for more samples—I find that the madness that often characterizes my work day causes them to stretch out. Once pumpity-pumps stretch out, they flap at your heels. And then, good women of the world, they are unwearable. Flapping: bad. If they ain’t a mule, keep ‘em quiet. The solution: the good Doctor’s marvelous heel inserts. They grip the back of your heel comfortably and cushion from behind (much like my own rump, I suppose).

These little puppies for your dogs are also useful when you’ve bought a pair of stunners and, oh dear, oh dear, they’re just a titch too big and going down a size will make them uncomfortable. Just stick these clandestine cushions on the inside, as secret helper—much like padding in a bra or Spanx—and, invisible as they are, you’ve customized your new kicks to your feet.

I realize that not everyone is stricken with the need to wear pumps all day. Some of you are fortunate enough to wear simple flats in your day-to-day. If this is you, then of course you’re aware that those shoes can get to flapping as well. Hey, they can even sometimes cut into the back of your heels, making the privilege of wearing flats mundane and painful. Fix it! Do as Dr. Scholl himself would do and insert a simple, padded helper in your charming and ought-to-be-comfortable footwear.

Stop dwellin’ on “gellin’”; what I’m tellin’s compellin’.

Significant side note: The inserts you see above are for men and women. Those are the ones you want. I’ve tried the stylish “for women” inserts. They are less efficient than the ones that look like they serve an orthopedic function. They are thinner and have a tendency to roll up on your heel as they peel away from your shoe when you walk.

You’re welcome.

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